“I am a real ham. I love an audience. I work better with an audience. I am dead, in fact, without one.”

I hate failure and that divorce was a Number One failure in my eyes. It was the worst period of my life. Neither Desi nor I have been the same since, physically or mentally.

Use a make-up table with everything close at hand and don’t rush; otherwise you’ll look like a patchwork quilt.

One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn’t pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.

Love yourself first and the rest of your life will fall into place.

In life, all good things come hard, but wisdom is the hardest to come by.

Ability is of little account without opportunity.

It’s a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.

How I Love Lucy was born? We decided that instead of divorce lawyers profiting from our mistakes, we’d profit from them.

A man who correctly guesses a woman`s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright.

I was shy for several years in my early days in Hollywood until I figured out that no one really gave a damn if I was shy or not, and I got over my shyness.

Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead.

I’m not funny. What I am is brave.

Now get the hell out of here and go change the world.

I never thought I was funny. I don’t THINK funny.

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

Television is the quickest form of recognition in the world.

If any foreign minister begins to defend to the death a ‘peace conference,’ you can be sure his government has already placed its orders for new battleships and airplanes.

Die, but do not retreat.

There are certain people that are marked for death. I have my little list of those that treated me unfairly.

All I know is, I don’t want to stop coaching, and I don’t want to stop winning, so we’re gonna break the record unless I die.

The best way to live above all fear of death is to die every morning before you leave your bedroom.

It’s like having a pet dog for a long time. You get attached to it, and when it dies you miss it.

Death is no punishment to the believer: it is the gate of endless joy.

I dislike death, however, there are some things I dislike more than death. Therefore, there are times when I will not avoid danger.