“Comedy is allied to justice.”

Wise people, even though all laws were abolished, would still lead the same life.

The love of wine is a good man’s failing.

Prayers without wine are perfectly pointless.

Youth ages, immaturity is outgrown, ignorance can be educated, and drunkenness sobered, but stupid lasts forever.

This is what extremely grieves us, that a man who never fought Should contrive our fees to pilfer, on who for his native land Never to this day had oar, or lance, or blister in his hand.

Full of wiles, full of guile, at all times, in all ways, are the children of Men.

Thou shouldst not decide until thou hast heard what both have to say.

Open your mouth and shut your eyes and see what Zeus will send you.

Characteristics of a popular politician: a horrible voice, bad breeding, and a vulgar manner.

It is right that the good should be happy, that the wicked and the impious on the other hand, should be miserable; that is a truth, I believe, which no one will gainsay.

Look at the orators in our republics; as long as they are poor, both state and people can only praise their uprightness; but once they are fattened on the public funds, they conceive a hatred for justice, plan intrigues against the people and attack the democracy.

Old age is second childhood.

You can’t have anything else to say: you’ve poured out every drop of what you know.

Ignorance can be cured, but stupidity is forever.

One must not try to trick misfortune, but resign oneself to it with good grace.

The wise learn many things from their enemies.

Anyone can write. But comedy, you’ve got to do some writing. You get one comedy script to every 20 dramas.

In terms of the romantic kind of lead, I just never enjoy those movies very much. Maybe they’ll come to interest me more as I get older. I doubt it, but maybe. Romantic comedies tend to be, for me, an oxymoron.

The only thing I would unequivocally say is that I have never had any interest in romantic comedy I just couldn’t do it. I think I’d be terrible.

Seeing the energy of ‘SNL’ made me want to be a part of it. If that was a job, I thought, that was the job I wanted. That was my plan. Comedy.

Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.

Years have passed since I have set foot in a comedy club. If the comic is doing badly it’s painful, and if the comic is doing brilliantly, it’s extremely painful.

If I were running a campaign, I’d urge taking the mountain of money reportedly squandered on pizza, coffee and bagels and spending it more wisely – on a talented young comedy writer.

I think there’s a percentage that don’t realize, that don’t know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It’s more of a it’s not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone.