“One should always be in love. That’s the reason one should never marry.”

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all.

Some things are more precious because they don’t last long.

I may not agree with you, but I will defend to the death your right to make an ass of yourself.

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.

The truth is rarely pure and never simple.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Indeed I have always been of the opinion that hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing to do.

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.

Society often forgives the criminal; it never forgives the dreamer.

Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping.

An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all.

The mystery of love is greater than the mystery of death.

In this country we have no place for hyphenated Americans.

Don’t call a woman a bitch. Call her an ass-hole. It still gets your point across and it’s not sexist.

We do not stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing!

I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it’s the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It’s probably the most important thing in a person.

People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

Love is the Answer. What was the Question?

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.