“My way of joking is to tell the truth. It’s the funniest joke in the world.”

I’m an atheist and I thank God for it.

You see things; you say, ‘Why?’ But I dream things that never were; and I say ‘Why not?

Only in books has mankind known perfect truth, love and beauty.

Choose silence of all virtues, for by it you hear other men’s imperfections, and conceal your own.

You have learnt something. That always feels at first as if you have lost something.

Your friends are all the dullest dogs.

Happy is the man who can make a living by his hobby.

Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn’t!

In heaven an angel is no one in particular.

Power does not corrupt men; fools, however, if they get into a position of power, corrupt power.

Youth is wasted on the young.

The play was a great success, but audience was a dismal failure.

We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future.

First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity.

I choose not to make a graveyard of my body for the rotting corpses of dead animals.

Success does not consist in never making mistakes but in never making the same one a second time.

I like my phone. My phone makes magic happen.

I was an only child and I had a mother and father who were just – there wasn’t a straight man in the house, and I mean that in a very nice way. They were fun, and we would laugh a lot.

When I was a kid in Houston, we were so poor we couldn’t afford the last 2 letters, so we called ourselves po’.

In my first video diary I explained my love for women who have a taste in carrots. Since then, I have received plenty of carrots. Now I also have a keen interest in women who like Lamborghinis.

It’s very funny that I’m being appreciated for my dance moves because when I was young, I was made fun of, as nobody thought I was able to dance.

I didn’t do school plays… I’ve never done a play in my life, actually. Not even a nativity. If I’d been in a school play, I’d probably have sneezed and messed everything up.

Our records, if you have a dark sense of humor, were funny, but our records weren’t about comedy. They were about protests, fantasy, confrontation and all that.

I will never give up on you, from a person who treats like crap is not sweet. It’s toxic and you gotta run!