That’s why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
JERRY SEINFELDThat’s why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
JERRY SEINFELDThe Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it’s so much fun.
JERRY SEINFELDI didn’t know every day I would be discussing the tone of my voice with my wife. I thought it was a marriage. Apparently, it’s a musical.
JERRY SEINFELDI was the best man at the wedding… If I’m the best man, why is she marrying him?
JERRY SEINFELDThis is one of my big things of creative pursuits. You have your idea you want to do, but then you got to figure out what does this thing want to be? You got to let it lead you a little.
JERRY SEINFELDPain is usually represented by lightning attacking the guy. Glowing redness is also popular. Sometimes parts of the guy would just burst into flames.
JERRY SEINFELDSee, you know how to take the reservation, you just don’t know how to hold the reservation and that’s really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.
JERRY SEINFELDWhen you’ve been in the business 5-years, as a person, it’s like you’re 5-years old – like a child. 10-years and you’re 10-years old, 20… Etcetera. That’s how I measure maturity in this industry.
JERRY SEINFELDWise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
JERRY SEINFELDI always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you’ll hit it.
JERRY SEINFELDThe toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I’m like Grace Jones to them. “This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where’s the wife jokes, where’s the fat jokes?”
JERRY SEINFELDOnce you start doing only what you’ve already proven you can do, you’re on the road to death.
JERRY SEINFELDI am so busy doing nothing… that the idea of doing anything – which as you know, always leads to something – cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.
JERRY SEINFELDYou know the message you’re sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You’re telling the world, ‘I give up. I can’t compete in normal society. I’m miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.
JERRY SEINFELDMost people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later; it’s a relic.
JERRY SEINFELDThe best revenge is living well.
JERRY SEINFELD