If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
JERRY SEINFELDThe best revenge is living well.
More Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
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The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it’s so much fun.
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Magazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on ‘How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space?
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The best revenge is living well.
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Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you’re comfortable with.
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Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
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That’s why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
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What I don’t understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.
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Once you start doing only what you’ve already proven you can do, you’re on the road to death.
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I am so busy doing nothing… that the idea of doing anything – which as you know, always leads to something – cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.
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I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
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I can’t go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
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Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later; it’s a relic.
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If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don’t you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
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This is one of my big things of creative pursuits. You have your idea you want to do, but then you got to figure out what does this thing want to be? You got to let it lead you a little.
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I didn’t know every day I would be discussing the tone of my voice with my wife. I thought it was a marriage. Apparently, it’s a musical.
JERRY SEINFELD