You’re never too old to play. You’re only too old for low-rise jeans.
ELLEN DEGENERESBeauty is not between a size 0 and a size 8. It’s not a number at all.
More Ellen DeGeneres Quotes
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Above all, I strive to be the best I can – to be better than I was yesterday and better tomorrow.
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What’s New Orleans without music? And what’s music without dancing?
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I don’t need a baby growing inside me for nine months. If I’m going to feel nauseous and achy when I wake up, I want to achieve that state the old-fashioned way: getting good and drunk the night before.
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The way I see it… If you need both of your hands for whatever it is you’re doing, then your brain should probably be in on it too.
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I was coming home from kindergarten – well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It’s good for a kid to know how to make gloves.
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Dan: ‘Ah, well, I hope this didn’t have anything to do with me.’ Ellen: ‘No, not unless you played Cat Woman in Batman.
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The world is filled with negativity. I want people to watch me and think, “I feel good, and I’m going to make somebody else feel good today.
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I do like men and I had, you know, a guy in high school that I wanted to marry desperately. He’s the mayor of some small town in Texas. I could be the mayor’s wife right now.
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Quick decision makers are often stuck behind annoying people in line at Starbucks.
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Have you seen the deer heads on the walls of bars, the ones wearing party hats, sunglasses and streamers? I feel sorry for them because obviously they were at a party having a good time.
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It’s funny how cucumber water can taste so much better than pickle juice, even though they come from the same source.
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I don’t pay attention to the number of birthdays. It’s weird when I say I’m 53. It just is crazy that I’m 53. I think I’m very immature. I feel like a kid. That’s why my back goes out all the time, because I completely forget I can’t do certain things anymore – like doing the plank for 10 minutes.
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…we should be grateful for them because without our family-the ancestors we descend from, the cousins we see once a year, the loves our lives we see every day-life is pretty boring.
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What goes up must come down, which is why I don’t wear tube tops.
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Beauty is not between a size 0 and a size 8. It’s not a number at all.
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I like sitting at outdoor restaurants; it would be nice to go someplace on the street and not worry about somebody taking my picture while I’m about to take a bite of something.
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I wanted to have money; I wanted to be special; I wanted people to like me; I wanted to be famous.
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You can always tell when the relationship is over. Little things start getting on your nerves, ‘Would you please stop that! That breathing in and out, it’s so repetitious.’
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True beauty is not related to what color your hair is or what color your eyes are. True beauty is about who you are as a human being, your principles, your moral compass.
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I admire people who know they can’t sing. There are so many people out there who can’t sing, but they think they can, so they sing a lot.
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When there’s time for whistling, there’s a lot of time on a show.
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So be who you really are. Embrace who you are. Literally. Hug yourself. Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.
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I’m glad I’m funny. I’m glad I make people happy, because that’s very important. But I’m proud to be known as a kind person.
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I don’t want to get the same looks I give people when they get on a plane holding a baby: “That’s a cute baby, just keep walking, keep walking, keep going, keep going.
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I get those fleeting, beautiful moments of inner peace and stillness – and then the other 23 hours and 45 minutes of the day, I’m a human trying to make it through in this world.
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We all feel like idiots at one time or another. Even if we feel we’re cool 98 percent of the time, that 2-percent doofus is poised to take over our bodies without any warning.
ELLEN DEGENERES