When I was a baby I had no teeth. I couldn’t get a job and I couldn’t eat meat.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAITWhen I was a baby I had no teeth. I couldn’t get a job and I couldn’t eat meat.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAITI lost my job, well I didn’t lose it, I know where it is, there’s just some other guy doing it now.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAITKurt (Cobain) was a fan of my standup, which was pretty weird.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAITI can smell parents’ stomach acid right now, but they know that whole “You gotta get a job and you gotta settle for what people perceive as success” thing is really absurd.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAITAmerica’s one of the finest countries anyone ever stole.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAITIn my first stand-up acts there wasn’t material even. You know, I’d go on stage and cry and read a Dear John letter or gut fish on stage. I could be odd – and it’s what interested me as a comedian.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAITThat’s human nature – we want to completely rewrite history so it can be comfortable.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAITI’m against gun control. It’s not that I like guns, it’s just that allowing Americans to have guns will increase the chances that a bunch of rednecks will blow each other’s heads off.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAITDon’t hoo, hoo, hoo me. There’s a fine line between hoo, hoo, hoo and hiel, hiel, hiel.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAITWithout getting too profound, I’m pretty sure that’s where the invention of the afterlife comes from. “
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAITQuit everything until you find something that you just cannot quit.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAITThey never were given a chance to give their respects to the death of the guy they loved back in ’84.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAITIn fact, with Michael Jackson, I think those mourning people… They aren’t even waking Michael, they’re waking the Michael Jackson of ’84.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAITStand-up was interesting to me at the beginning, because I was trying to parody it. My early stand-up was really Andy Kaufman-esque, and then I became the very thing I was making fun of.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAITHow can you be a vegetarian atheist and own a gun? Well, that’s who I am.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAITWe don’t really become worm food. We go to a magical place with bunnies and rainbows.”
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT