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You know, it’s hard work to write a book. I can’t tell you how many times I really get going on an idea, then my quill breaks. Or I spill ink all over my writing tunic.

Ellen DeGeneres

Have you seen the deer heads on the walls of bars, the ones wearing party hats, sunglasses and streamers? I feel sorry for them because obviously they were at a party having a good time.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Party Sorry Wall
I don’t need a baby growing inside me for nine months. If I’m going to feel nauseous and achy when I wake up, I want to achieve that state the old-fashioned way: getting good and drunk the night before.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Baby Funny Humor
Please raise your children with love and non-judgement. Tell them everyone has the right to love who they want to love. It shouldn’t threaten you or who you are.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Children Judgement Want
I get to do stand-up every single day. I love that live energy exchange between the audience and myself, and to get to say the things I want to say and comment on.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Comment Energy Want
We all feel like idiots at one time or another. Even if we feel we’re cool 98 percent of the time, that 2-percent doofus is poised to take over our bodies without any warning.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Ironic Mistake Warning
What goes up must come down, which is why I don’t wear tube tops.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Come Down Tops Tubes
Most people don’t get to laugh, be free, dance, be surrounded by this energy. It’s important to remind people to take that home. I want the world to start shifting [to] a more positive energy.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Home Important Laughing People
I wanted to have money; I wanted to be special; I wanted people to like me; I wanted to be famous.
ELLEN DEGENERES

People Special Wanted
You can always tell when the relationship is over. Little things start getting on your nerves, ‘Would you please stop that! That breathing in and out, it’s so repetitious.’
ELLEN DEGENERES

Breathing Funny Relationship Nerves
Procrastination isn’t the problem. It’s the solution. It’s the universe’s way of saying stop, slow down, you move too fast.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Moving Procrastination Way
For some reason, we can’t just enjoy somebody else’s success. Somehow, that’s going to affect us. If they have more, then I have less – and I don’t know why.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Enjoy Knowsm Sometimes Reason
We’re told to go on living our lives as usual, because to do otherwise is to let the terrorists win, and really, what would upset the Taliban more than a gay woman wearing a suit in front of a room full of Jews?
ELLEN DEGENERES

Funny Gay Humor Otherwise Really
Above all, I strive to be the best I can – to be better than I was yesterday and better tomorrow.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Being Best Tomorrow Yesterday
My dream guests are really not so much celebrities. They’re people who are actually interesting and they’re doing something interesting with their lives or had an interesting experience in some way. I really enjoy talking to regular, everyday people.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Dream Interesting Talking
Dan: ‘Ah, well, I hope this didn’t have anything to do with me.’ Ellen: ‘No, not unless you played Cat Woman in Batman.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Batman Cat Well Woman
I was coming home from kindergarten – well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It’s good for a kid to know how to make gloves.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Funny Home Humor

You know, it’s hard work to write a book. I can’t tell you how many times I really get going on an idea, then my quill breaks. Or I spill ink all over my writing tunic.

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Popular Authors

You know, it’s hard work to write a book. I can’t tell you how many times I really get going on an idea, then my quill breaks. Or I spill ink all over my writing tunic.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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