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Dan: ‘Ah, well, I hope this didn’t have anything to do with me.’ Ellen: ‘No, not unless you played Cat Woman in Batman.

Ellen DeGeneres

I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, Soup of the Day: Cream of Asparagus. Ellen DeGeneres.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Asparagus Funny Humor
You have to have funny faces and words, you can’t just have words. It is a powerful thing, and I think that’s why it’s hard for people to imagine that women can do that, be that powerful.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Funny Humor Powerful
I’m on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I’m gonna rip it off.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Funny Humor Rip
Be kind to one another. Bye, bye.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Another Bye Kind People
I like to try new things because I get bored so easily.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Bored New Things Trying
I think I let go of the need for approval. It certainly feels good when you get it, but I used to be more desperate for it. Once I felt better inside about myself… I could do everything based on how I want to do things.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Funny Go Humor Letting
I put a basketball in front of George Clooney’s door and sprayed it with supermodel perfume to lure him out.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Basketball Doors Perfume Spray
So, I bought a new CD and I was trying to get it open but couldn’t with all the layers… I mean plastic and then tape, and the tape is like government tape. It says ‘open here.’ Is that sarcasm?
ELLEN DEGENERES

Government Mean Sarcasm
I get my dance moves from just moving around and listening to music and not really worrying about if it’s perfect or not.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Moving Perfect Worry
I know that experts say you’re more likely to get hurt crossing the street than you are flying, but that doesn’t make me any less frightened of flying. If anything, it makes me more afraid of crossing the street.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Experts Flying Frightened Hurt Less
If someone ever says you’re weird, say thank you.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Saying Thank Weird
Procrastination isn’t the problem. It’s the solution. It’s the universe’s way of saying stop, slow down, you move too fast.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Moving Procrastination Way
It’s funny how cucumber water can taste so much better than pickle juice, even though they come from the same source.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Cucumbers Juice Source Water
My dog of 17 years just died. Oh you’re kidding?… Noooo… as funny as that is, I’m not
ELLEN DEGENERES

Dog Funny Humor
My hair is always at its best in New York. I don’t know what’s in the water. It could be mousse.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Country Hair People Water
One rough patch is not the big picture.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Patch Picture Rough

Dan: ‘Ah, well, I hope this didn’t have anything to do with me.’ Ellen: ‘No, not unless you played Cat Woman in Batman.

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Dan: ‘Ah, well, I hope this didn’t have anything to do with me.’ Ellen: ‘No, not unless you played Cat Woman in Batman.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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