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Some of the most devastating things that happen to you will teach you the most

Ellen DeGeneres

The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren’t any space aliens. We can’t be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we’re not all there is. If so, we’re in big trouble.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Funny Humor Ideas
In the 80’s we had high, high, waisted pants, that if they came up any higher they’d have to go up another size, if you know what I mean.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Know Mean Pants Size
We all feel like idiots at one time or another. Even if we feel we’re cool 98 percent of the time, that 2-percent doofus is poised to take over our bodies without any warning.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Ironic Mistake Warning
I never see the glass half empty because I drink out the bottle
ELLEN DEGENERES

Bottles Glasses Half
Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Funny Party Streamers Wall
Usually, I wear tennis shoes because my feet are flat, and it hurts to wear anything other than shoes that are cushiony.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Feet Hurt Shoes
It makes a big difference in your life when you stay positive.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Bigs Differences Positive Stay
Come on, if you don’t win tonight it doesn’t mean you’re not a good person, it just means you’re not a good actor.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Funny Humor Mean Person
I used to beat myself up about weight and working out, and no matter what I did I never felt good about myself. I decided to accept myself and know that I am good.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Matter Out Weight Work
I get those fleeting, beautiful moments of inner peace and stillness – and then the other 23 hours and 45 minutes of the day, I’m a human trying to make it through in this world.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Beautiful Inner Peace Trying
You know, it’s hard work to write a book. I can’t tell you how many times I really get going on an idea, then my quill breaks. Or I spill ink all over my writing tunic.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Book Hard Women Work
We went to lunch and were talking about procrastination and the waitress overheard us and she said, ‘I have a problem with procrastination, too.’ I said ‘Really?… Get my sandwich.’
ELLEN DEGENERES

Lunch Procrastination Talking
I would love for the world to be happier.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Happier Love World
My dream guests are really not so much celebrities. They’re people who are actually interesting and they’re doing something interesting with their lives or had an interesting experience in some way. I really enjoy talking to regular, everyday people.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Dream Interesting Talking
It feels good. Kinda like when you have to shut your computer down, just sometimes when it goes crazy, you just shut it down and when you turn it on, it’s okay again. That’s what meditation is to me.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Crazy Inspiration Meditation Practice
Dan: ‘Ah, well, I hope this didn’t have anything to do with me.’ Ellen: ‘No, not unless you played Cat Woman in Batman.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Batman Cat Well Woman

Some of the most devastating things that happen to you will teach you the most

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Some of the most devastating things that happen to you will teach you the most

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