“Dad had a music store, and he’d often bring home comedy albums that I would listen to. I started listening to Bob Newhart and Bill Cosby, and developing taste. They really influenced my style of comedy.”

I’ve been trying to watch my weight a bit, but when I come to Las Vegas, all bets are off. I get enough healthy food in L.A. where the food is the size of a quarter and costs $40 – when I’m in Vegas, I want a steak!

Whatever is happening in your life is what’s going on on stage. So if you’re angry in your life, then that’s going to be on stage. If you’re looking for the guy that’s just going to make you laugh for an hour and forget about, that’s me.

It’s going to be a grim day when the world is run by a generation that doesn’t know anything but what it’s seen on TV.

Maybe, who knows, I’ll hire myself a trainer and a fancy cook. In five years, maybe I’ll be an action hero. Then again, maybe I’ll just be this guy. Who knows? But the fun part is embracing the human side of that.

I’m always the last one to the party, man. But that’s okay. I got there.

I have been a big guy all my life, I am not going to lose a bunch of weight, because then you’re like that weird fat person that got skinny but still has a big head. I don’t want to do that. So I’m just trying.

You need a wisecracking buddy standing next to you? That’s the role for me. You got the guys who are knock-down, drag-out handsome. That’s what people want to see. Let that guy be the hero. But there’s always a role for the Everyman.

Look, you know, you can’t please everybody. I’m a stand-up comic. I know that. It doesn’t matter how funny you are and how well you do, there’s two people that are going to walk out of there hating you.

Yeah, I’ve done Jim Breuer’s radio show a couple times, and I heard from Larry the Cable Guy when I got ‘Mike & Molly,’ wishing me congratulations.

No one wants to see someone talk who takes themselves too seriously.

As a comic, I’ve heard gunshots while I’m trying to get to sleep. I’ve performed where people wanted to do you harm after the show because of something you said.

Sometimes WRONG is worth the FUNNY!

I mean, yeah, I want to lose some weight! I’m doing the best I can.

They made it to the middle class, my dad working as a bartender and my mother as a cashier and a maid. I didn’t inherit any money from them. But I inherited something far better – the real opportunity to accomplish my dreams.

My dad was a bartender. My mom was a cashier, a maid and a stock clerk at K-Mart. They never made it big. They were never rich. And yet they were successful. Because just a few decades removed from hopelessness, they made possible for us all the things that had been impossible for them.

My mother had very humble beginnings – to put it mildly. Her dad built their home out of timber that he cut down on their land. No heat, no air-conditioning – ‘no foolishness,’ as he would call it.

My dad was never married. He was kind of a rolling stone. But he was never disrespectful. At the same time, even though he had women in his life when I was a kid, there wasn’t any consistency.

I think if I would have come home and told my dad that I was going to quit the team, I think he would have kicked me out of the house. I don’t think I’d have a place to stay.

This whole golf thing was so left field for us, as Polynesians, but he had a lot of knowledge about sports in general. My dad was a genius, really. He was an absolute genius.

I come from an ordinary family – my dad is a carpenter, a roof-maker – and we’ve always loved racing together.

My dad being not the greatest dad in the world has made me a better parent.