“When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor’s Orphanage – he shot both his parents and moved in.”

You know you’ve reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.

I was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have done the whole thing over for, oh, perhaps half.

When I miss a shot I just think what a beautiful day it is. And what pure fresh air I’m breathing. Then I take a deep breath. I have to do that. That’s what gives me the strength to break the club.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking.

You can calculate Zsa Zsa Gabor’s age by the rings on her fingers.

It was a typically British birth… I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward… I came out in sympathy.

We’re on our way to the Persian Gulf. Wait! It’s a mistake! I thought they said Persian Golf.

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn’t help wondering from what direction.

If you think golf is relaxing, you’re not playing it right.

In England when you make a movie even the weather is against you.

To give you an idea of how fast we travelled – we left with two rabbits and when we arrived we still had only two.

I like to play in the low 70’s. If it gets any hotter than that I’ll stay in the bar!

Jimmy Stewart could have been a good golfer, but he speaks so slowly that by the time he yells ‘Fore!’ the guy he’s hit is already in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.

Rock and roll is catching on all over . . . France . . . England . . . They even have it in Japan, only over there they call it judo.

It’s very frustrating making a picture in Paris. We work hard all day at the studio to get a love scene just right. Then, on my way home, I see couples on every street corner doing it better.

One of the things that is assumed about actors is that they are extrovert, which is almost never the case, in my experience.

Your job as an actor is to stay employed.

Whenever I think of the high salaries we are paid as film actors, I think it is for the travel, the time away, and any trouble you get into through being well known. It’s not for the acting, that’s for sure.

I’m always happy when actors get rich, because the odds on it are so long!

Don Knotts won five Emmy Awards for Outstanding Performance in a Supporting Role by an Actor or Actress in a Series [in Andy Griffith Show] in 1961, 1962, 1963, 1966 and 1967.

I think if actors don’t think of themselves as funny in real life they think they can’t do comedy.

It is better for me to serve a charity as an actor or a voice, rather than at a luncheon being just a celebrity.

There are no small parts. Only small actors.