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People should be happy to see you when you show up to a club because you’re a good person. And stop caring about what the industry is “looking for”. Just say what you think is funny. .

Bill Burr

I was in NYC during 9/11; it happened on a Tuesday, I was on stage Thursday. It was a small crowd, but it took about 10 days and comedy clubs were packed.
BILL BURR

Crowds Happened Tuesday
I started having a panic attack seeing my name in that list of people. It was pretty overwhelming.
BILL BURR

Attack Overwhelming Panic Sudden
I cannot believe that [Donald Trump] is actually in the debates.
BILL BURR

Believe Debate Trump
There is a very difficult period in a comedian’s career – it’s that window of time where you’re good enough to draw tickets but nobody knows you yet.
BILL BURR

Career Comedian Ticket
Once you do a joke and it works it’s only good for so long, like shooting fish in a barrel.
BILL BURR

Barrels Long Shooting
ou’re in control of your brain. When your brain is sending you bad information or bad thoughts, you can decide to go to the gym, or write a new joke – or if you’re on the road, go to a ball game…
BILL BURR

Brain Control Decide Game Road Sending
I enjoy collaborating with other people.
BILL BURR

Collaborating Enjoy People
Some guy workin’ at Home Depot, he wants to f-k just as many women as a celebrity. But he can’t do it, because whores don’t care about lumber.
BILL BURR

Care Guy Home
I was a feature one time and they gave me host money. When I called to complain the guy goes “no you didn’t feature, you co-hosted”. He literally invented a term so he didn’t have to pay me. And obviously that check bounced!
BILL BURR

Complaining Guy Pay
I am so pro-swine flu… I want it. We need a plague. It’s got to happen; don’t be afraid. It’s only going to kill the weak.
BILL BURR

Flu Needs Want
Actually they [ Netflix] were telling us to push it further and I’ve never gotten a nod like that from anybody in the industry, so it’s been awesome to work with them. I’m very happy where we’re at.
BILL BURR

Happy Industry Netflix Very
I gotta be honest with you. Im kind of jealous of the way my dad gets to talk to my mom sometimes. Where are all those old-school women you can just take your day out on? When did they stop making those angels?
BILL BURR

Dad Jealous Mom Women
For aspiring comedians? Don’t listen to me. Just go on stage and do what you think is funny.
BILL BURR

Comedian Goes Thinking
I just do my act. If people in England don’t get my joke I make fun of myself for telling it.
BILL BURR

Country Fun People
Let’s go to Brunch. What a great idea! Why would you want to sleep in on a Sunday when you can go pay $18 for eggs? Now, you’re thinking.
BILL BURR

Sleep Sunday Thinking
London was like that too. It was that time of year when all the rich kids with the oil money have their cars shipped over.
BILL BURR

Beautiful Country Jobs

People should be happy to see you when you show up to a club because you’re a good person. And stop caring about what the industry is “looking for”. Just say what you think is funny. .

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People should be happy to see you when you show up to a club because you’re a good person. And stop caring about what the industry is “looking for”. Just say what you think is funny. .

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Bill Burr Quotes