“My girlfriend Rhonda, who’s now my wife, I graduated from high school, she got pregnant. My grandfather said, ‘You’ve got to do the right thing.’”

I’m more married to Sandy now than when we were married with the legal document. We’re still married as parents.

I wrapped a towel around me and I opened the door, and then I splish, splash, I jumped back in the bath. Well, how was I to know there was a party going on?

The most important thing for anyone, I think, is to be engaged, whether you’re an artist or a journalist is to be engaged in the process at some level.

My philosophy is to take one day at a time. I don’t worry about the future. Tomorrow is even out of sight for me.

I don’t care if I never do another TV show in my life.

Rather, the problem is that any individual merchant’s sign won’t be noticed unless it’s bigger and more garish than those of rival merchants.

I am now a turtle. Virtually everything I own is on my back and suffice it to say I am one ton lighter and therefore 2,000 pounds happier. All houses are gone.

Memories are like moonbeams; we do with them what we want.

Who am I that I have to sing under an umbrella? These people are my fans, and if they can stand in the rain to hear me sing, I can stand in the rain.

It was as though all my hostilities, anxieties, and conflicts were in one ball that was flying away into space, farther from me all the time, leaving me content with myself

Maybe I should quit the business. There’s no one left for me to love. Mama’s dead. Mr. Burns couldn’t care less about me. What’s left?

A comedian’s body is funny as well as his mind being funny, his whole personage is funny.

There are certain times I don’t want my picture taken. If my wife’s stepping out of a car and it looks like it’s going to come out an indecent picture, don’t I have a right to object?

I could have a roomful of awards and it wouldn’t mean beans

I’ve got a dream lover, so I don’t have to dream alone.

Rome is all things high and low. It is like God, it accommodates so much.

Time mends all, ends all things earthly.

All things are in all.

I have learned not to think little of any one’s belief, no matter how strange it may be. I have tried to keep an open mind, and it is not the ordinary things of life that could close it, but the strange things, the extraordinary things, the things that make one doubt if they be mad or sane.

There is no such thing as a politically correct war.

My mom just wants to make sure that my heart is always in whatever I do and I’m in things for the right reasons.

The good thing is I picked a profession that I’m passionate about.

We had our thing. It is a really good memory but now we’re older. Things change.