“I bring up God alot in my show, know why? Because I miss him.”

Oh, I know: If you’re fat, let’s not blame you, let’s sue McDonalds! Oh, for cryin’ out loud, hey, if you smoke, not your fault, it’s the tobacco company’s fault! Hey, if you shoot somebody, not your fault, let’s blame the gun industry!

That’s why I always recommend a psychedelic experience because it makes you realize that all you’ve learned is in fact just learned and not necessarily the truth.

Who is more irrational, the guy who believes in a God he can’t see, or a guy who’s offended by a God he doesn’t believe in?

It’s about something that strikes you as funny but I do it with a Christian world view: why we think the way we do based on God’s plan. I lift up my God and my country and I resist political correctness.

If God is a crutch, then atheism is a coma.

If the truth conflicts with my beliefs, I change my beliefs.

The way to stop political correctness is to not do it. If someone says, You offended me then you say I don’t care! If they’re offended by the truth, that’s their issue!

Those are my people, you know? The ones who are going to crash and burn.

Because we can’t tell others about our accomplishments if we don’t know them ourselves.

The only thing I can do is be right about what I say. Because I know I’m being watched. I understand what I’m facing. All I can do is put the work behind it.

I don’t know where it’s all going to lead. I have no idea where I’m going. I would just like to be happy.

You are mature when you know what is foolhardy and what is courage.

What rapture, oh, it is to know A good thing when you see it And having seen a good thing, oh, What rapture ’tis to flee it.

You’re alone in your ideas, because you’re the only one who knows what’s possible.

I’ve been in eleven no-hitters you know.