“I don’t know where it’s all going to lead. I have no idea where I’m going. I would just like to be happy.”

I think things are going to go right for me again. I’m not old. I’m old enough, but I photograph young, thank God, and I still have a public. I still get fan mail.

Some kind of fun lasts longer than others.

I worked out of desperation. I used to hit fast and run in hopes that people wouldn’t realize that I really couldn’t do anything.

I don’t even have many friends anymore because I backed away from them. When things went wrong for me I didn’t want them to have any part of my trouble.

Everyone knows that! Hobbes: I’m looking it up. Calvin: You do, and I’ll look up that 12-letter word you played with all the Xs and Js! Hobbes: What’s your score for ZQFMGB? Calvin: 957.

A life whose beginning we do not remember, and whose end we do not know.

I bring up God alot in my show, know why? Because I miss him.

I have great respect for directors who know what they’re doing.

Now, I’ve gotten to the point in my career, I’m 13 years in, to where I know that I’m funny. I know that I’m good at this.

Fortunately, as we all know, it’s impossible for anybody but Jimmy Smith to really sound like Jimmy Smith.

You never know what your next dig is going to find.

You can’t be a doctor if you don’t know the entire parts of the body.