“I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints – the sinners are much more fun.”

I took a fresh pack of Luckies, a mint called Sen-Sen, my old man’s Trojans.

Sergeant O’Leary is walking the beat, at night he becomes a bar tender.

I have been both praised and criticized. The criticism stung, but the praise sometimes bothered me even more. To have received such praise and honors has always been puzzling to me.

It took me years to write it, they were the best years of my life It was a beautiful song but it ran too long If you’re gonna have a hit you gotta make it fit So they cut it down to 3:05.

You’re not the only one who’s made mistakes, but they’re the only things that you can truly call your own.

Loneliness will get to you somehow But ev’rybody loves you now.

I really wish I was less of a thinking man and more of a fool not afraid of rejection.

I’m single but interviewing.

Most people you’d tell “I’m gonna be a musician,” they’d say, “you’re crazy, you’re gonna starve, you’re gonna be poor, a drug addict, go to jail, you’ll never make it, there’s too much competition.

Some love is just a lie of the heart, the cold remains of what began with a passionate heart.

Davey Crocket, Peter Pan, Elvis Presley, Disneyland.

Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes; I’m afraid it’s time for goodbye again

You can pay Uncle Sam with all your overtime, is that all you get for your money?

There are people who have lost every trace of human kindness.

We all end in the ocean. We all start in the streams. We’re all carried along, by the river of dreams.

…And you’re the only one who knows.

I’ll get laughs in the places I don’t want them and that makes me realize the direction I want to go in. I don’t mean to get too deep into comedy here.

This is getting funny, but there ain’t nobody laughing.

For my first show at ‘SNL’, I wrote a Bill Clinton sketch, and during our read-through, it wasn’t getting any laughs.

I love making people laugh. And I love laughing.

People are so sensitive, people are so defensive. I agree with you. We have to learn to loosen up, lighten up, and laugh a little bit.

Laugh at love and love will make you cry.

Make them laugh, and then make them listen.

Bittersweet is kind of my own favourite style because I want to be able to cry to the same song that I also can laugh to.