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A lot of people say that my life is wasted on me because I could be a bigger asshole than I am, but I’ve chosen not to be.

Bette Midler

Men’s brains are smaller than those of women so they can fit into their penises.
BETTE MIDLER

Brain Fit Men
[On Denmark:] … that little country of cottage cheese and courage.
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Cheese Cottages Country
Sold my soul. Bought these devil chains.
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Chain Devil Soul
I have my standards. They’re low, but I have them.
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Low Lows Standards
I have a ball – and it keeps my heart rate up. I get to wear fabulous clothes. I get to make people laugh. That’s my core business, and that’s where I’ll always return.
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Clothes Heart People
I’d make a wonderful Lady Macbeth. I’ll wear a pair of platform shoes or something.
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Lady Macbeth Pairs Shoes
I read a comment that made me think I should stop singing for a while. And I didn’t want to stop singing, because it was the only thing I loved. At first I thought,
BETTE MIDLER

Please Singing Thinking
I haven’t left my house in days. I watch the news channels incessantly. All the news stories are about the election; all the commercials are Viagra and Cialis. Election, erection, election, erection! Either way we’re screwed!
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House News Stories Watches
I sold my soul to rock ‘n’ roll.
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Rocks Roll Sold Soul
Sometimes, when I wake up, my soul is in another city!
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Cities Sometimes Soul Wake
I decided years ago not to read stories about myself anymore. Each one is a potential minefield: Whatever it says, you’re bound to take it the wrong way. Why do it if you know it’s going to make you miserable?
BETTE MIDLER

Stories Way Years
I believe that Judy Garland’s artistry was so fine. I mean, when people say: ‘oh, she brought so much of her life to her music’, I don’t really believe that. I believe that she didn’t have to. She just was a moving human being. That was her gift.
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Believe Mean Moving
A person’s life is a journey, a road. Sometimes you go off the road and sometimes you stay on all the way through. But you are the only one on that road. It’s your road.
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Journey Sometimes Way
I think the essence of humor has not changed. It’s all about surprise, facilitating follows. But the context of humor has changed.
BETTE MIDLER

Essence Issues Thinking
Unfortunately, every time there’s a budget crunch in New York, the Parks Department is usually the first to be cut. So they need all the help they can get.
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Country Cutting Parks
I wouldn’t say I invented tacky, but I definitely brought it to its present high popularity.
BETTE MIDLER

Memorable Women

A lot of people say that my life is wasted on me because I could be a bigger asshole than I am, but I’ve chosen not to be.

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A lot of people say that my life is wasted on me because I could be a bigger asshole than I am, but I’ve chosen not to be.

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