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  • Bill Engvall Quote - Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations.
  • Bill Engvall Quote - Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations.
  • Bill Engvall Quote - Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations.
  • Bill Engvall Quote - Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations.
  • Bill Engvall Quote - Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations.
  • Bill Engvall Quote - Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations.
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Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations.

Bill Engvall

More Bill Engvall Quotes

  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - I now know why old men like women with really big boobs. They see a trend. I mean, they call it a nursing home, hello.

    I now know why old men like women with really big boobs. They see a trend. I mean, they call it a nursing home, hello.

    BILL ENGVALL
  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - I might have tried bungee jumping, until I saw that video of that guy whose cord came untied. He didn’t know it ’till he hit the ground.

    I might have tried bungee jumping, until I saw that video of that guy whose cord came untied. He didn’t know it ’till he hit the ground.

    BILL ENGVALL
  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - Welcome to my garage. This is where I go to get away from the Honey-Do list.

    Welcome to my garage. This is where I go to get away from the Honey-Do list.

    BILL ENGVALL
  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - If you thought Stairway to Heaven was a long song, dear god you should listen to it played on a lute.

    If you thought Stairway to Heaven was a long song, dear god you should listen to it played on a lute.

    BILL ENGVALL
  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock.

    A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock.

    BILL ENGVALL
  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - He knows all the golf lingo. You know? You hit your ball, he’s like “there’s a golf shot. That’s a golf shot.” Well of course it’s a golf shot; I just hit a golf ball. You don’t see Gretzky skating around going “there’s a hockey shot, that’s a hockey shot.”

    He knows all the golf lingo. You know? You hit your ball, he’s like “there’s a golf shot. That’s a golf shot.” Well of course it’s a golf shot; I just hit a golf ball. You don’t see Gretzky skating around going “there’s a hockey shot, that’s a hockey shot.”

    BILL ENGVALL
  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - My friend comes over and says Hey, you moving? Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here’s your sign.

    My friend comes over and says Hey, you moving? Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here’s your sign.

    BILL ENGVALL
  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - I know at least two people who have never been killed by hippos.

    I know at least two people who have never been killed by hippos.

    BILL ENGVALL
  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - I was sitting on a plane that is traveling towards Seattle. And the guy next to me turns and says to me Hey, you going to Seattle?. Nope, San Francisco… I’ll be parachuting off in about an hour. Here’s your sign!

    I was sitting on a plane that is traveling towards Seattle. And the guy next to me turns and says to me Hey, you going to Seattle?. Nope, San Francisco… I’ll be parachuting off in about an hour. Here’s your sign!

    BILL ENGVALL
  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - I just hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that say ‘I’m Stupid.’ That way you wouldn’t rely on them, and you wouldn’t ask them for nothing.

    I just hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that say ‘I’m Stupid.’ That way you wouldn’t rely on them, and you wouldn’t ask them for nothing.

    BILL ENGVALL
  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - I called my pilot 2 weeks before I flew and asked him, I don’t want to get sick, what should I eat? He said, Peanut Butter. I said, If I eat peanut butter then I won’t get sick? He said, no, but it tastes the same comin’ up as it does goin’ down.

    I called my pilot 2 weeks before I flew and asked him, I don’t want to get sick, what should I eat? He said, Peanut Butter. I said, If I eat peanut butter then I won’t get sick? He said, no, but it tastes the same comin’ up as it does goin’ down.

    BILL ENGVALL
  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - I swear to you, I am the cheapest drunk on the planet. It takes nothing to get me loopy and doing stupid stuff. Yeah. Some of you like that? Well… like riding an electric floor buffer for a shot of tequila. Did it!

    I swear to you, I am the cheapest drunk on the planet. It takes nothing to get me loopy and doing stupid stuff. Yeah. Some of you like that? Well… like riding an electric floor buffer for a shot of tequila. Did it!

    BILL ENGVALL
  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - You could take Vicodin, step out of the house, onto a freeway, have a truck hit you, and you’d say “My Bad!”.

    You could take Vicodin, step out of the house, onto a freeway, have a truck hit you, and you’d say “My Bad!”.

    BILL ENGVALL
  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I swear he said, Tire go flat? I couldn’t resist. Said, Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here’s your sign.

    The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I swear he said, Tire go flat? I couldn’t resist. Said, Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here’s your sign.

    BILL ENGVALL
  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - I called my wife up on the cell phone and said baby you aint gonna believe this, i go, we just hit a deer with the airplane. and there was a silence on the other end of the line followed by.. OH MY GOD.! were you on the ground? I said nope, santa was makin one last run.

    I called my wife up on the cell phone and said baby you aint gonna believe this, i go, we just hit a deer with the airplane. and there was a silence on the other end of the line followed by.. OH MY GOD.! were you on the ground? I said nope, santa was makin one last run.

    BILL ENGVALL
  • Share on Facebook Tweet this! Share on LinkedIn Share on Whatsapp Share on Telegram Bill Engvall Quote - One day I locked my keys in my car and as I was standing there with a hanger halfway through the top of my window, a guy walks up and says, Lock yer keys in the car? Without missin’ a beat I said, Nope, Just washed it and was hanging it up to dry. Here’s your sign.

    One day I locked my keys in my car and as I was standing there with a hanger halfway through the top of my window, a guy walks up and says, Lock yer keys in the car? Without missin’ a beat I said, Nope, Just washed it and was hanging it up to dry. Here’s your sign.

    BILL ENGVALL