“We really are All One….this is the very philosophy that has kept me virtually anonymous in America for fifteen years.”

I’m very tired of staring out into your vacant faces looking back at me. Wanting to fill your empty lives with humor you couldn’t possibly think of yourself… Good evening!

Caffeine from Monday to Friday to energize you enough to make you a productive member of society, and alcohol from Friday to Monday to keep you too stupid to figure out the prison that you are living in.

The war on drugs to me is absolutely phoney, its so obviously phoney, ok? It’s a war against our civil rights, that’s all it is. They’re using it to make us afraid to go out at night, afraid of each other, so that we lock ourselves in our homes and they get suspending our rights one by one.

The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one.

I’m sorry if any of you are Catholic. I’m not sorry if you’re offended, I’m actually just sorry by the fact that you’re Catholic.

BTW A 24 week old embryo is not a human being. You’re not a human being until you’re in my phone book.

My point was that removing Saddam should not have been our highest priority. Fighting terrorism should have been our number one concern, followed by the Palestinian peace process.

Now I wonder why we’re f-ked up as a race. I’ve read the Bible. I can’t find the word “bunny” or “chocolate” anywhere in the f-king book.

If you are living for tomorrow, you will always be one day behind.

For far too long the American public and business sector have kept their silence as civil liberties have been whittled away by statutory and regulatory measures.

Why would you live your life worrying about something that’s not going to happen?

I’m the worst at picking what movies are going to do well. I have no idea. I’m really surprised if a movie I like does well.

The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions

Just work. Don’t wait. Everybody’s waiting until they have the perfect idea to start working. Even if you have an inkling of what you want to do, start moving towards it. And it’s going to flesh itself out through the process of moving towards the goal.

A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.

Good policy always trumps bad public relations and the best PR can’t trump bad policy.

Country music belongs to America.

Jazz is America’s classical music.

I don’t know that I ever bought into the “American dream.” I was a child of privilege. I grew up in the ’50s and it was a quiet time in America, at least on the surface and I grew up in a kind of feathery bed of privilege.

There’d never been a more advantageous time to be a criminal in America than during the 13 years of Prohibition.

I was never asked to join the Editorial Cartoonists Of America. No fraternity would have me in college, either. I think they know something.

If you say ‘Good Morning’ in America and it’s five past twelve you end up with a lawsuit.

I have never been able to discover anything disgraceful in being a colored man. But I have often found it inconvenient – in America.

Vaginal penetration only doesn’t work for most of us. And we’re not all meant to be monogamous either, especially since women are capable of having far more sex than men. Try to get that fact across in America!