Realize that sleeping on a futon when you’re 30 is not the worst thing. You know what’s worse, sleeping in a king bed next to a wife you’re not really in love with but for some reason you married, and you got a couple kids, and you got a job you hate.
BILL BURR
BILL BURR
Bill Burr on jobs
Bill Burr97 quotes“Realize that sleeping on a futon when you’re 30 is not the worst thing. You know what’s worse, sleeping in a king bed next to a wife you’re not really in love with but for some reason you married, and you got a couple kids, and you got a job you hate.”
More from Bill Burr
ou’re in control of your brain. When your brain is sending you bad information or bad thoughts, you can decide to go to the gym, or write a new joke – or if you’re on the road, go to a ball game…
Bill BurrBill Burr I actually had the urge to elbow an elderly lady today.
Bill BurrBill Burr I don’t mind either one [crowd that is more willing to interact or crowd that’s more ready to just watch]. Both of them are forms of listening to what I’m saying so I can’t ask for any more than that.
Bill BurrBill Burr I’m a standup comedian who gets to act. I’m never going to not do standup. I love doing it and when I go through periods where I’m doing a lot of acting work, I still do standup.
Bill BurrBill Burr I just do my act. If people in England don’t get my joke I make fun of myself for telling it.
Bill BurrBill Burr Patrice O’Neal is the best comic I ever saw.
Bill BurrBill Burr Nothing worse than when a 6 acts like a 10.
Bill BurrBill Burr Really? Is it long enough to go around both our necks and the chimney so we can tandem jump off of this? That’s all I really care about you and your little garden hose.
Bill BurrBill Burr [I’m] more German than Irish.
Bill BurrBill Burr Being a stand-up comic, this isn’t a stepping-stone for me; it’s what I do, and this is what I’m always going to do. And even if I do a TV show, the only reasons to do a TV show is to get more people to know me to come out to my stand-up shows.
Bill BurrBill Burr I mean, stand up you’re by yourself and it’s live and when you’re acting, unless you’re doing a monologue, you’re interacting with somebody else. Even if you’re doing a monologue you’re saying it to somebody and it’s not live so you can do it a few times.
Bill BurrBill Burr A little good advice, a little bad advice.You go to Las Vegas, there’s like a devil and a devil and they’re just battling it out the whole time. It’s like, “Smoke some crack!” “Get a hooker!” And then I go, “YEA! Yea, this is a good town. Smoke some crack and get a hooker! Alright!”
Bill BurrBill Burr You’re a kid, your whole life is awesome. It’s awesome, right? You had no money, no ID, no cell phone, no nothing, no keys to the house. You just ran outside into the woods. You weren’t scared of nothing. I challenge you to do that as an adult.
Bill BurrBill Burr Something that’s going to get the blood going. Or you can let those thoughts take you right down the rabbit hole.
Bill BurrBill Burr I’ve battled with that type of stuff, but what I’ve found is that by doing stand-up, I’ve actually learned about depression and how to combat it. I don’t have clinical, but I’ve definitely had my bouts with it.
Bill BurrBill Burr You know, it wasn’t even that I’m a funny guy, I just loved stand-up comedy and I wanted to do it. It was one of the few things in my life that I knew I was going to be able to do, and I also felt as though I’d be able to do it the way I wanted to do it.
Bill BurrBill Burr
Original quotes
From our community writers
Thoughts on a tapestry. Colour or black and white. A brush, a pen, A flash of light. Ideas flowing soon, about to take flight.
Gerard GleesonGerard Gleeson Like deep water, she was silent. His lips tasted of salt. He was both addicting and bitter all at once.
MoomerMoomer Always show kindness and love to others. Your words might be filling the empty places in someone else heart.
Alexander KandovAlexander Kandov And I would lie on your chest for hours and dream about the world in your arms but your thoughts were in another world.
Ani ShahverdyanAni Shahverdyan Your smile and your laughter lit my whole world.
Ranata SuzukiRanata Suzuki Often all we can do is breathe, even that can be hard sometimes.
Julia Kellogg HenryJulia Kellogg Henry I am addicted to your madness drunk on your toxic love. Infect me with your poison, lets make storms rage above.
Laura Natoli-KearneyLaura Natoli-Kearney The more you fail, recover, and improve, the better you are as a person.
Laura CleggLaura Clegg
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More on jobs
Accountants, machinists, medical technicians, even software writers that write the software for “machines” are being displaced without upscaled replacement jobs.
Bill GrossBill Gross Working in the context of ultra-famous brands like Dior and Vuitton, creative spirits are always going to feel reined in. It’s important that they are free to develop ideas.
Bernard ArnaultBernard Arnault Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don’t know one child with a full time job and children.
Bill HicksBill Hicks He (Lou Gehrig) just went out and did his job every day.
Bill DickeyBill Dickey It is part of the photographer’s job to see more intensely than most people do. He must have and keep in him something of the receptiveness of the child who looks at the world for the first time or of the traveler who enters a strange country.
Bill BrandtBill Brandt Our job is to understand where the market is heading and translate that into practical action.
Beth ComstockBeth Comstock How many people disapprove of the job the Conservatives are doing? Seventy percent. Of those same people, how many will vote for them again? …Seventy percent. What the fuck? Where did they take this poll, at an S&M parlor?
Bill HicksBill Hicks If you were designing an organism to look after life in our lonely cosmos, to monitor where it is going and keep a record of where it has been, you wouldn’t choose human beings for the job.
Bill BrysonBill Bryson