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As much as Metallica rocked, they always had these song names… ‘The Thing That Shouldn’t Be’. ‘The Chair That Wasn’t There’, you know?

Bill Burr

Business runs hot and cold so the more you’re in charge of your own destiny, the better off you are.
BILL BURR

Cold Destiny Hot Running
Your twenties is all about taking your childhood out on everyone that you run into.
BILL BURR

Childhood Funny Running
There’s a big thing right now with people using stand-up as a scapegoat. People think comedians have the power to change someone in an hour. If we had that ability, the art would not be legal. It would too dangerous.
BILL BURR

Art People Thinking
Something that’s going to get the blood going. Or you can let those thoughts take you right down the rabbit hole.
BILL BURR

Issue Rabbit Role Something Though Women
Think about the amount of crap the US has done! Between slavery and the genocide of the Native Americans – if any of that had been filmed like [Adolf] Hitler, we’d never live it down.
BILL BURR

Country Done Native Thinking
I wish they would teach it in schools: Give people the belief that they are going to do well. A lot of people are really talented and scared to follow their talent because you don’t know where it’s going.
BILL BURR

Giving People School
I bet The Walking Dead gets really low ratings out in Montana, just because all they need to do is look out their f-king window, am I right?
BILL BURR

Dead Kings Needs Walking
I am so pro-swine flu… I want it. We need a plague. It’s got to happen; don’t be afraid. It’s only going to kill the weak.
BILL BURR

Flu Needs Want
I actually had the urge to elbow an elderly lady today.
BILL BURR

Elbows Elderly Today
I love making movies, and being in any that I can be in. I’d like to be in those giant movies, as the fifth or sixth lead, and have three or four killer scenes. You don’t have the responsibility of the entire movie being on you. I like those roles. I’m shooting for the middle.
BILL BURR

Responsibility Roles Shooting
When I was coming up the DC Improv was considered the best Improv out there. It’s always been high quality stuff coming out of there.
BILL BURR

Coming Out Quality Stuff
I think it’s a privilege to be able to fly to somewhere where people want to see my show.
BILL BURR

People Thinking Want
Once you do a joke and it works it’s only good for so long, like shooting fish in a barrel.
BILL BURR

Barrels Long Shooting
I’ve actually expanded the amount of places that I go to because I want to see a bunch of stuff. You know, plan it as I can while I’m still young enough to travel.
BILL BURR

Amount Bunch Cities Enough Travel
Ric Flair is the greatest guy ever. He just wants to hang out, have a beer, and tell stories. He’s the coolest. I’ve never met The Rock though.
BILL BURR

Beer Guy Rocks
Let’s go to Brunch. What a great idea! Why would you want to sleep in on a Sunday when you can go pay $18 for eggs? Now, you’re thinking.
BILL BURR

Sleep Sunday Thinking

As much as Metallica rocked, they always had these song names… ‘The Thing That Shouldn’t Be’. ‘The Chair That Wasn’t There’, you know?

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Popular Authors

As much as Metallica rocked, they always had these song names… ‘The Thing That Shouldn’t Be’. ‘The Chair That Wasn’t There’, you know?

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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