black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

I really am only one infinitely small part of an aching humanity.

Beatrice Sparks

I pretend I’ve got lots of confidence and I’m a big jock and like that but deep inside I’m a frightened, insecure, can’t-make-it failure.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Frightened Insecure Jocks
It’s a good thing most people bleed on the inside or this would be a gory, blood-smeared earth.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Blood Life People
I feel like Alice in Wonderland. Maybe Lewis G Carroll was on drugs too.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Drug Feels Wonderland
I’ve got to sleep. Sleep is my only way to escape.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Escape Sleep Way
They don’t think “I care,” “I hurt,” or “I have feelings.” It just seems like I’m always “wrong,” always “selfish,” always “self-centered” and everything else that’s negative and destructive.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Hurt Selfish Thinking
Alone. The saddest word in the world.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Saddest World
Why is life so difficult? Why can’t we be just ourselves and have everyone accept us the way we are?
BEATRICE SPARKS

Accepting Difficult Way
Lying – remembering beauty in truth.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Beauty Lying Remember Truth
My biggest mistake: not wanting to help myself into thinking I am happy, that change would come about without really trying to change, or wanting to change. Procrastinating about changing. I do want to change.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Mistakes Thinking Trying
Sometimes I think we’re all trying to be shadows of each other, trying to buy the same records and everything even if we don’t like them. Kids are like robots, off an assembly line, and I don’t want to be a robot!
BEATRICE SPARKS

Assembly Everything Record Robot Same Shadow
one day I’ll be old, without ever having really been young
BEATRICE SPARKS

Old One Day Young
I’m afraid to live and afraid to die.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Afraid Dies Live
I’m really cracking. No, I’m beyond cracking. I’m shattered. I’m lost. I’m fragmented.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Fragmented Lost Shattered
I guess I’ll never measure up to anyone’s expectations. I surely don’t measure up to what I’d like to be.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Expectations Like Measure
The voice of every kid hooked on drugs, alcohol or the occult joins the sad chorus “Not me! I didn’t think it could ever happen to me. I was sure I could handle it.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Kids Thinking Voice
How is it possible for me to be so miserable and embarrassed and humiliated and beaten an function still talk and smile and concentrate?
BEATRICE SPARKS

Embarrassed Function Miserable

I really am only one infinitely small part of an aching humanity.

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I really am only one infinitely small part of an aching humanity.

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