Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.
QUENTIN CRISPHealth consists of having the same diseases as one’s neighbors.
More Quentin Crisp Quotes
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Abatement in the hostility of one’s enemies must never be thought to signify they have been won over. It only means that one has ceased to constitute a threat.
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I never understood music. It seemed to me to be the maximum amount of noise conveying the minimum amount of information.
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An autobiography is an obituary in serial form with the last installment missing.
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If I have any talent at all, it is not for doing but for being.
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I don’t think you can really be proud of being gay because it isn’t something you’ve done. You can only be proud of not being ashamed.
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There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn’t get any worse.
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Vice is its own reward.
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Never sweep. After four years the dirt gets no worse.
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Fashion is what you adopt when you don’t know who you are.
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I simply haven’t the nerve to imagine a being, a force, a cause which keeps the planets revolving in their orbits and then suddenly stops in order to give me a bicycle with three speeds.
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People say to me, “When did you come out?” But I was never in! When I was about six, I was swanning around the house in clothes that belonged to my mother and my grandmother which I’d found in an attic, saying, “I am a beautiful princess!”
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Though intelligence is powerless to modify character, it is a dab hand at finding euphemisms for its weaknesses.
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I like living in one room and have never known what people do with the room they are not in.
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It is explained that all relationships require a little give and take. This is untrue. Any partnership demands that we give and give and give and at the last, as we flop into our graves exhausted, we are told that we didn’t give enough.
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It’s no good running a pig farm badly for 30 years while saying, ‘Really, I was meant to be a ballet dancer.’ By then, pigs will be your style.
QUENTIN CRISP