“No statement should be believed because it is made by an authority.”

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do.

Don’t ever become a pessimist… a pessimist is correct oftener than an optimist, but an optimist has more fun, and neither can stop the march of events.

For me, politeness is a sine qua non of civilization.

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors… and miss.

Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.

By cultivating the beautiful we scatter the seeds of heavenly flowers, as by doing good we cultivate those that belong to humanity.

One of the sanest, surest, and most generous joys of life comes from being happy over the good fortune of others.

The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive.

Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards.

Being right too soon is socially unacceptable.

Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat.

I don’t see how an article of clothing can be indecent. A person, yes.

May you live as long as you wish and love as long as you live.

A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.

Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own…

I have made the most important discovery of my career, the most important discovery of my life.

I think growing up the way I did has made me a lot more objective, and that’s important in the process of writing and trying to look at subjective matter that way.

The appeal to the white man’s pocket has ever been more effectual than all the appeals ever made to his conscience.

Withdraw into yourself and look. And if you do not find yourself beautiful as yet, do as the creator of a statue that is to be made beautiful.

Jeremy Corbyn and John McDonnell have made no secret of their desire to stamp out individualism and enterprise.

There was one incident at a movie theater where my girl got mad at these guys who were talking behind us.

I had a friend who had two degrees of being made up: when invited I would say ‘Can I make up?’ and he would say ‘Oh yes – tinted?’, or he would say, ‘Oh yes – clotted?’

I had the Buffalo shoes, a customised Baby Spice necklace – when I say custom-made, it was made out of plastic from the local mall – and a Union Jack dress.