Whatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government does it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy.
P. J. O'ROURKENo doubt the ridiculous politicians are right to like politics. They have found careers in which success can be achieved by being ridiculous. Imagine Jimmy Carter or George W. Bush rising to the top of any other profession.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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The 1960s was an era of big thoughts. And yet, amazingly, each of these thoughts could fit on a T-shirt.
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There isn’t much room for an outsider point of view in print any more.
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The world is being run by irresponsible spoiled brats.
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Rich people don’t like to be in the military. The shoes are ugly and the uniforms itch. Rich people don’t go in much for revolution or terrorism, either.
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You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.
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Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino’s box.
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Political systems are run by self-selecting politicians. We don’t draft people; it’s not jury duty.
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My dad died when I was young; my mom remarried with more haste than sense to a fellow… he wasn’t evil or anything, but he was worthless.
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Kuwait City is not gorgeous, actually, but it’s got a kind of Epcot Center thing going for it. It’s not pretty. But it’s striking, I’ll give it that. It’s not as over-the-top as Abu Dhabi or Dubai. But nearly.
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Computers seem a little too adaptively flexible, like the strange natives, odd societies, and head cases we study in the social sciences. There’s more opposable thumb in the digital world than I care for; it’s awfully close to human.
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Politics is the attempt to achieve power and prestige without merit.
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People are not ants or bees. We do not reason or love or live or die collectively.
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Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
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The best and brightest don’t go into politics. The best and brightest are at Goldman Sachs.
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The problem with public school is not overcrowding in the classroom. The problem is not teacher unions. The problem is not underfunding or lack of computer equipment. The problem is your damn kids.
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There is no virtue in compulsory government charity, and there is no virtue in advocating it. A politician who portrays himself as ‘caring’ and ‘sensitive’ because he wants to expand the government’s charitable programs is merely saying that he’s willing to try to do good with other people’s money.
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I like fiction and the kind of history that gives the grace and flavor of fiction to the past. No bloviation on current events, please. I can write that junk myself.
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Never wear anything that panics the cat.
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Just because a subject is serious doesn’t mean it doesn’t have plenty of absurdities.
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Let’s reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools – and use it on the teachers.
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If you think health care is expensive now, just wait ’til it’s free.
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You can’t get rid of poverty by giving people money.
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Death is so important that God visited death upon his own son, thereby helping us learn right from wrong well enough that we may escape death forever and live eternally in God’s grace.
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Southern California is a nice place, if you could cut out the show-business cancer. It just keeps spreading.
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Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there.
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Will Generation X and the Millennials do a better job running the world than the boomers have? Let’s hope so.
P. J. O'ROURKE