Every vote should carry a serial number, so that responsibility for harmful or careless use of the vote can be traced. Concealed voting should be outlawed.
P. J. O'ROURKEPeople think the free market is a philosophy, they think that it is a creed. It is none of those things. Free market is a bathroom scale, it is a measuring tape, it’s simply a measurement.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Some people have facts; these can be proven. Some people have theories; these can be disproven. But people with opinions are mindless and have their minds made up about it.
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Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino’s box.
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Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.
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Supposedly, summer vacation happens because that’s when the kids are home from school, although having the kids home from school is no vacation. And supposedly the kids are home from school because of some vestigial throwback to our agricultural past.
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People are not ants or bees. We do not reason or love or live or die collectively.
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Political leaders are expert at saying nothing.
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As a former writer for the ‘National Lampoon,’ I’ve probably contributed to the sea of sarcasm in which we live.
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Never fight an inanimate object.
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No doubt the ridiculous politicians are right to like politics. They have found careers in which success can be achieved by being ridiculous. Imagine Jimmy Carter or George W. Bush rising to the top of any other profession.
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Like most sensible people, you probably lost interest in modern art about the time that Julian Schnabel was painting broken pieces of the crockery that his wife had thrown at him for painting broken pieces of crockery instead of painting the bathroom and hall.
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Everybody in the Middle East wants to explain why they’re right.
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If you think health care is expensive now, just wait ’til it’s free.
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Teasing and a sense of humor, if you can develop that in your kids, and if you can exercise it with the kids, just makes for a pleasanter atmosphere.
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Ending wars is very simple if you surrender.
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If we heard that somebody starved to death in Sweden or Switzerland, we would be shocked.
P. J. O'ROURKE