Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
P. J. O'ROURKENobody is making Americans buy Chinese goods.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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If you ask the government to solve all of your problems, it’s a bit like asking your wife to cook and clean, to raise the children, to hold down a second job to help with the family finances, to keep her parents happy and well and keep your parents happy and well, and to also – to do the lawn and clean the gutters.
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The Afghans themselves say that if you put two Afghans in a room, you get three factions.
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They are just really stupid people in Hollywood. You write them a script, and they say they love it, they absolutely love it. Then they say, ‘But doesn’t it need a small dog, and an Eskimo, and shouldn’t it be set in New Guinea?’ And you say, ‘But it is a sophisticated romantic comedy set in Paris.’
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The perpetuation of slavery, the exile and extermination of American Indians, and the passage of Jim Crow laws weren’t carried out at the bidding of a few malefactors of great wealth.
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The Communist bloc of old was a study in the failure of failure. Losers in the Soviet economy were the people at the end of the long lines for consumer goods. Worse losers were the people who had spent hours getting to the head of the line, only to be told that the goods were unavailable.
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America has to act. But, when America acts, other nations accuse us of being ‘hegemonistic’, of engaging in ‘unilateralism’, of behaving as if we’re the only nation on earth that counts. We are.
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Some people think that welfare reform should have hurt Bill Clinton with black voters.
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Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.
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Why do elites hate the poor? It’s xenophobia. They don’t know any poor people – except their off-the-books Brazilian nanny and illegal immigrant cleaning lady from Upper Revolta who don’t speak English.
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The Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns. Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns. Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock?
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You’re stupid,’ is not something even his most severe critics usually say to President Barack Obama.
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The young are adept at learning, but even more adept at avoiding it.
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America wasn’t founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.
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Never wear anything that panics the cat.
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To mistrust science and deny the validity of scientific method is to resign your job as a human. You’d better go look for work as a plant or wild animal.
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Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
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Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.
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The best and brightest don’t go into politics. The best and brightest are at Goldman Sachs.
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The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.
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Nobody is making Americans buy Chinese goods.
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Finland is a rich country. What have they got? They got Nokia phones and plywood. How’d they get so rich? Because they’re free.
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The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration, you’re rich.
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In its worse forms, conservatism is a matter of ‘I hate strangers and anything that’s different.’
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A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.
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Politics is the attempt to achieve power and prestige without merit.
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Woodstock had a tremendous impact on American artistic life.
P. J. O'ROURKE