Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there.
P. J. O'ROURKEMaybe climate change is a threat, and maybe climate change has been tarted up by climatologists trolling for research grant cash. It doesn’t matter.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.
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Explosion of positive rights started in 1932 with the election of Roosevelt.
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Thank you, Occupy Wall Street. With your vivid example of anticapitalist squalor, I’ve been able to convince all three of my children to become investment bankers.
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Death is so important that God visited death upon his own son, thereby helping us learn right from wrong well enough that we may escape death forever and live eternally in God’s grace.
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By the end of the 1950s, American cars were so reliable that their reliability went without saying even in car ads. Thousands of them bear testimony to this today, still running on the roads of Cuba though fueled with nationalized Venezuelan gasoline and maintained with spit and haywire.
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Richard Nixon was the best thing that ever happened to journalism. I mean this guy was wonderful. Just when you thought he could get no worse, he got worse.
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I like making things. I have a wood shop at home. I am a terrible carpenter but I love doing it.
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Politics is the attempt to achieve power and prestige without merit.
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People will tell you anything but what they do is always the truth.
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There isn’t much room for an outsider point of view in print any more.
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Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.
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When you’re a war correspondent, the reader is for you because the reader is saying, ‘Gee, I wouldn’t want to be doing that.’ They’re on your side.
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It’s better to make fun of yourself because you’ve always got someone around to make fun of, and they can’t sue you.
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Everybody is xenophobic to an extent.
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You can’t get rid of poverty by giving people money.
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A fundamental American question is, ‘What’s the big idea?’
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I read good. I was an English major.
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Finland is a rich country. What have they got? They got Nokia phones and plywood. How’d they get so rich? Because they’re free.
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Like most sensible people, you probably lost interest in modern art about the time that Julian Schnabel was painting broken pieces of the crockery that his wife had thrown at him for painting broken pieces of crockery instead of painting the bathroom and hall.
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I look around my house, and everything except the kids and dogs was made in China. And I’m not sure about the kids. They have brown eyes and small noses.
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The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.
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If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat – in other words, turn you into an adult.
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Russians not only vehemently despise blacks, they believe Africa begins at the Ukraine border.
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Call a man ‘ignorant,’ and you have license to show the world your vast fund of knowledge and wise him up.
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I come from Toledo, Ohio, a town that has been hurt badly by the shift of the automobile business towards Japan. And yet I remember how the car workers lived in the neighborhood that I grew up in. My father was a car salesman, and I remember how we lived. I remember how modestly we lived.
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Just because a subject is serious doesn’t mean it doesn’t have plenty of absurdities.
P. J. O'ROURKE