To mistrust science and deny the validity of scientific method is to resign your job as a human. You’d better go look for work as a plant or wild animal.
P. J. O'ROURKEIf government were a product, selling it would be illegal.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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There is a simple rule here, a rule of legislation, a rule of business, a rule of life: beyond a certain point, complexity is fraud. You can apply that rule to left-wing social programs, but you can also apply that rule to credit derivatives, hedge funds, all the rest of it.
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I’ve got a 1990 Porsche 911. It’s just a Carrera, a very simple, straightforward little thing that goes like stink. I love it.
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As a former writer for the ‘National Lampoon,’ I’ve probably contributed to the sea of sarcasm in which we live.
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Some people think that welfare reform should have hurt Bill Clinton with black voters.
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Hubris is one of the great renewable resources.
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Once you’ve built the big machinery of political power, remember you won’t always be the one to run it.
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Supposedly, summer vacation happens because that’s when the kids are home from school, although having the kids home from school is no vacation. And supposedly the kids are home from school because of some vestigial throwback to our agricultural past.
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There is no horizon in Toledo. There are too many trees.
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It’s better to make fun of yourself because you’ve always got someone around to make fun of, and they can’t sue you.
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Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren’t present.
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You’re never going to read ‘The Wealth of Nations,’ and you shouldn’t, really. It’s 900 pages.
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I like making things. I have a wood shop at home. I am a terrible carpenter but I love doing it.
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Never fight an inanimate object.
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The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
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Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.
P. J. O'ROURKE