“I hope the fans have enjoyed listening as much as I’ve enjoyed doing the games. I don’t ever go to the park where I don’t have a good day.”

I make fun of situations and try and find the humor in things, but it’s never at the expense of the other guy.

Let’s face it. Umpiring is not an easy or happy way to make a living. In the abuse they suffer, and the pay they get for it, you see an imbalance that can only be explained by their need to stay close to a game they can’t resist.

I had a great shoe contract and glove contract with a company who paid me a lot of money never to be seen using their stuff.

Not bragging by any means, but I could have done a lot of other stuff as far as working in films go and working in television…

I set records that will never be equaled. In fact, I hope 90% of them don’t even get printed.

On TV the people can see it. On radio you’ve got to create it.

Career highlights? I had two – I got an intentional walk from Sandy Koufax and I got out of a rundown against the Mets.

Any teammate of mine that had a kid and a boy that was capable of playing baseball.

I did stand-up, weird and ignorant stuff about my career – anything for a laugh.

Anybody with ability can play in the big leagues. But to be able to trick people year in and year out the way I did, I think that was a much greater feat.

How do you catch a knuckleball? You wait until it stops rolling, then go pick it up.

We were on for six years. We were in syndication for a while. It had its run. I still see the people from ‘Mr. Belvedere,’ too. We stay in touch.

When I looked at the third base coach, he turned his back on me.

If a guy hits .300 every year, what does he have to look forward to?

I didn’t get a lot of awards as a player. But they did have a Bob Uecker Day Off for me once in Philly.

Baseball hasn’t forgotten me. I go to a lot of old-timers games and I haven’t lost a thing. I sit in the bullpen and let people throw things at me. Just like old times.

I can’t imagine a day without coffee. I can’t imagine!

The health of your marriage tomorrow will be determined by the decisions you make today.

Learn from the past and let it go. Live in today.

Love today. Gone tomorrow. Now you pass each other like strangers on a busy street.

Some days, my mind still flickers, but the light doesn’t stay on. Kind of like the hope I felt when your fingers squeezed my palm. But they simply call that a reflex.

Be pleasant until ten o’clock in the morning and the rest of the day will take care of itself.

It takes a habit to break a habit. You can pray every day for a generous heart, but until you start acting in that direction, nothing’s going to change.

This day of your life will never come again.