“It’s better to make fun of yourself because you’ve always got someone around to make fun of, and they can’t sue you.”

There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner.

The Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns. Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns. Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock?

Barack Obama is more irritating than the other nuisances on the Left.

There is a simple rule here, a rule of legislation, a rule of business, a rule of life: beyond a certain point, complexity is fraud. You can apply that rule to left-wing social programs, but you can also apply that rule to credit derivatives, hedge funds, all the rest of it.

The Communist bloc of old was a study in the failure of failure. Losers in the Soviet economy were the people at the end of the long lines for consumer goods. Worse losers were the people who had spent hours getting to the head of the line, only to be told that the goods were unavailable.

I don’t even know which end of a computer one is supposed to gaze into. I’ve never used a computer.

Israel is slightly smaller than New Jersey. Moses in effect led the tribes of Israel out of the District of Columbia, parted Chesapeake Bay near Annapolis, and wandered for forty years in Delaware.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Thank you, Occupy Wall Street. With your vivid example of anticapitalist squalor, I’ve been able to convince all three of my children to become investment bankers.

The perpetuation of slavery, the exile and extermination of American Indians, and the passage of Jim Crow laws weren’t carried out at the bidding of a few malefactors of great wealth.

Death is so important that God visited death upon his own son, thereby helping us learn right from wrong well enough that we may escape death forever and live eternally in God’s grace.

Arab-led Islamic fundamentalism destabilizes nations from Algeria to the Philippines.

Just because a subject is serious doesn’t mean it doesn’t have plenty of absurdities.

The young are adept at learning, but even more adept at avoiding it.

Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure, are impotent in the face of hope and joy.

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.

Everything is selected by the central government without good judgment or an understanding of culture to make it really safe. They will become nobody to maintain their power and be raised to the next higher level.

Life is much more interesting when you make a little bit of effort.

People have a tendency to become elite rather than to care about the general conditions of the society, which makes me sick. It’s an unbearable condition.

Many people are going to use [Beijing National Stadium], which makes it more meaningful. If we don’t design it, somebody else has to design it.

Before I take my last breath, before my last flower withers, I wish to live, I wish to make love, I wish to be in this world close to those who need me, those who I need.

When you’re trying to make people believe in what you want to do, you have to be really careful to figure out how you’ll make it work, how to maintain the momentum that you’re getting without sacrificing much. It’s a complete learning process.

I just want to do whatever makes me happy…Like being totally conscious. Laughing is, like, my favorite thing to do. Being with friends, having fun…being a bit daft.

The mirror is the tool of the one who wants to do a self-portrait. And if you want to make a photo you need a mirror.