“I get in the dumps at times, and don’t open my mouth for days on end. You must not think I am sulky when I do that. Just let me alone, and I’ll soon be right.”

As a rule, the more bizarre a thing is, the less mysterious it proves to be.

A dog reflects the family life.

Some people’s affability is more deadly than the violence of coarser souls.

No man burdens his mind with small matters unless he has some very good reason for doing so.

The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes.

Crime is common. Logic is rare. Therefore it is upon the logic rather than upon the crime that you should dwell.

For strange effects and extraordinary combinations we must go to life itself, which is always far more daring than any effort of the imagination.

I dislike my fellow-mortals. Justice compels me to add that they appear for the most part to dislike me.

Love is an emotional thing, and whatever is emotional is opposed to that true cold reason which I place above all things.

There is no scent so pleasant to my nostrils as that faint, subtle reek which comes from an ancient book.

The unexpected has happened so continually in my life that it has ceased to deserve the name.

The emotional qualities are antagonistic to clear reasoning.

Life is infinitely stranger than anything which the mind of man could invent.

There is nothing more stimulating than a case where everything goes against you.

The most difficult crime to track is the one which is purposeless.

A fool always finds a greater fool to admire him.

Do you want to live and work in a garbage dump? I don’t. That’s partly because I grew up in the most pristine environment possible – Hawaii, where it is sacrilege to leave your garbage on the ground.

There are those who argue that everything breaks even in this old dump of a world of ours.

Almost everyone has or will experience getting dumped in their lifetime. Unless, of course, you’re a nun. Jesus can’t dump nuns.

A fellow can’t live without giving his passive acceptance to meanness. Somebody wears his tail to a frazzle for every mouthful we eat and every stitch we wear-and nobody seems to know. Everybody is blind, dumb, and blunt-headed-stupid and mean.

If somebody dumps something noxious in my back yard, the dumper is the last one I would call on to repair the damage.

Government proposes, bureaucracy disposes. And the bureaucracy must dispose of government proposals by dumping them on us.

I had always thought of Egypt as a rather secular country. And I think it is, but people are quite observant of the strictures of Ramadan.

I’ll never understand how you dumped water on me but didn’t notice me drowning.