“I think that was the genesis of my polka medleys, because every rock song I played on the accordion just sounded like a polka and my friends thought it was funny.”

I have a long-standing history of respecting artists’ wishes.

You can play some schlock like New Kids On the Block.

My velvet Elvis means the world to me. Although he may not be worth much dough, he means more to me than some old Rembrandt or Van Gogh.

As much as people are griping about the Internet taking sales away from artists, it’s been a huge promotional tool for me.

Didn’t have Nintendo, we just poured salt on snails.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

It’s hard to force creativity and humor.

I don’t think there are any new media I’d like to cover.

I can’t get too offended when somebody parodies me.

The window doesn’t open, the fan is broke, and my face is turning blue. I haven’t been in a crowd like this since I went to see the Who.

In a genre where most of the artists are one-hit wonders, I’ve been able to hang around longer than most “serious” acts. I pride myself in being a very talented leech.

I think that nerds, if you want to call them that, have only gotten more hip and assimilated into the culture.

Because you’re supposed to lose yourself in the character, but sometimes people look at a character and go “Oh, it’s ‘Weird Al.'”

My personal taste doesn’t enter into it a lot when I make my decisions as to what to parody.

There are probably a few library fines I haven’t paid yet, but I’m a pretty clean-cut guy overall.

I’d rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue than spend one more minute with you.

We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world, and the best we can find in our travels is an honest friend.

I should say that we are almost indispensable; and no man is useless while he has a friend.

The correction of silence is what kills; when you know you have transgressed, and your friend says nothing, and avoids your eye.

I feel great. I had a blood clot. It was a bad deal. But when I look at my friends with hip replacements, knee replacements, shoulder replacements, neck surgeries, back surgeries, I’ll take the blood clot.

My lawyer has been a good friend of mine for a long time. He and I continuously have conversations.

When you have good friends you’ve been around, every time they talk, you don’t give them your full attention.

So long as we are loved by others I should say that we are almost indispensable; and no man is useless while he has a friend.

We are easily comforted for the misfortunes of our friends, when those misfortunes give us an occasion of expressing our affection and solicitude.