“We are not hungry. Why foist this food upon us? We don’t want to be choked. We have enough.”

Regretting some of my life choices now. How was I to know that hell would be full of Rhodesian farmers and sodomites?

Whenever things seem to start going well in your life, the Devil comes along and gives you a ‘girlfriend’.

Britain is a very cold, uninhabitable country with small houses.

People are free to campaign and they will be free to vote.

I would spend my time telling stories or writing them.

We will defend our victory through armed struggle. We will have to do that.

Cricket civilizes people and creates good gentlemen. I want everyone to play cricket in Zimbabwe; I want ours to be a nation of gentlemen.

I am an educationist. I’m an economist. I am a politician. I am also now a good storyteller, you know?

It’s not possible that women can be at par with men.

Only God who appointed me will remove me.

Don’t drink at all, don’t smoke, you must exercise and eat vegetables and fruit.

Dont fight even over girlfriends. The country is full of beautiful women. If you cant get one, come to Mugabe for assistance.

Sometimes you look back at girls you spent money on rather than send it to your mum and you realise witchcraft is real.

Zimbabwe is for Zimbabweans; so are its resources.

It may be necessary to use methods other than constitutional ones.

There are things one must do for oneself.

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said ‘No, but I want a regular banana later, so… yeah.’

Out of the frying pan, into the fire.

For me, the cinema is not a slice of life, but a piece of cake.

A good film is when the price of the dinner, the theatre admission and the babysitter were worth it.

Conversation is the enemy of good wine and food.

The chocolate and crisps come in at times. You have to allow the little things that make you happy. I’m not extreme about what I eat.

I love samosas filled with mincemeat. My mum makes really great ones.

Is it only the mouth and belly which are injured by hunger and thirst? Men’s minds are also injured by them.