“Hell no. When I die I want to be sick.”

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor.

Coaches who shoot par in the summer are the guys I want on my schedule in the winter.

They wanted to buy out my contract, but I couldn’t make change for a $20, so they had to let me stay.

Damn referees, I’ll miss them less than anybody.

You always catch the wrong players.

The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.

If I make a set of rules, then a guy goes out and steals an airplane. He comes back and says, ‘It wasn’t in the rules.’

I don’t have any tricky plays. I’d rather have tricky players.

I don’t understand these new coaches who don’t drink. What do they do when they get beat?

Doctors bury their mistakes, but mine are still on scholarship.

You may be big in New York, but in Walters, Oklahoma, you’re nobody.

You mean in the state?

I’d rather be a football coach. That way you only lose eleven games a year.

We did have three go to the YMCA.

There is no dignity in television.

No matter when it was written. That the author has written his book only for me.

There’s no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie – just a quick sniff, ‘Alright, let’s go.’

Never take no from somebody who cannot say yes.

Money has no moral opinions.

Jihad should be waged in places where there is war. Bombings in places where there is no war is not a good thing.

No one here gets out alive.

No one thought up being. He who thinks he has, step forward.