“I was a grill cook at McDonalds for a little bit. I did landscape for a little bit. I played a lot in the bar scene, I played countless sets of acoustic songs in that arena.”

I’ve never needed government to hold my hand.

I rarely drink from the bottle, but I’ll smoke a little weed.

I sold my soul to the devil in L.A

I sold my soul to the devil in L.A. He said ‘sign your name here on the dotted line and your songs they all will play.’

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

I’m one of those people that will walk into a bar, and if I wasn’t a comic – because some people know who I am – I would just blend in.

I am invisible in gay bars.

I like to play in the low 70’s. If it gets any hotter than that I’ll stay in the bar!

Michael Jackson was not an artist who comes along once in a decade, a generation, or a lifetime. He was an artist who comes along only once, period… He raised the bar and then BROKE the bar!

Membership in the bar is a privilege burdened with conditions.

I’m not confident in social situations; just going up to someone in a bar and saying ‘Hi’ is going to be even more difficult because they won’t know the real me. They will just know me as a fictional person I play on the screen.

The less I talk in bars, write emails, express myself in an emotionally lewd way outside of my songwriting, the more I have to do it through my music.