“I am officially Jewish, but I’m Jewish in the same way the Olive Garden is an Italian restaurant.”

When I went to Israel, it was a little disorienting, because there are so many people who look crazy and were dressed like me. There, I was just one of the apocalyptic crowd.

When I was with the serpent-handlers in Tennessee, it was the most bizarre method of worship I could think of. Yet when you sit with these people, you can kind of see how it makes sense.

More people die on a per mile basis from drunk walking than from drunk driving.

I find placebos uplifting and exhilarating. It means that taking action–no matter what the action is–might help you feel better.

I thought religion would eventually wither away and we’d all be worshiping at the altar of science.

Its sort of my job to feel good.

I was very good at sitting. But I just read so much research about how horrible sitting is for you. It’s like, it’s really bad. It’s like Paula-Deen-glazed-bacon-doughnut bad. So I now move around as much as possible.

Probably 90 percent of our life decisions are powered by the twin engines of inertia and laziness.

Unconditional love is an illogical notion, but such a great and powerful one.

I’m addicted to self-improvement. The thing is, there’s so damn much about myself to improve.

I’m not a fan of ‘write what you know.’ If you don’t know, find out. I knew nothing about the Bible before I started writing ‘The Year of Living Biblically.’ That was kind of the point – to learn.

I thought religion would make me live with my head in the clouds, but as often as not, it grounds me in this world.

The best we can do, to paraphrase Pollan, is to eat whole foods, mostly plants, and not too much.

After decimating several vegetables, I decide juicing is my favorite form of food preparation. There’s something perversely appealing about subjecting an innocent plant to that much violence.

A 2002 Oxford study showed counting sheep actually delays the onset of sleep. It’s just too dull to stop us from worrying about jobs and spouses.

How do you gag the voice in your head that says, ‘You don’t have to [do it] today. There’s always tomorrow.’?

People who are close to God cultivate a personal intimacy with Him like a good gardener cultivates beautiful flowers.

We are gardens. We flourish and grow. Despite the rain, despite the snow.

A gardener who cultivates his own garden with his own hands, unites in his own person the three different characters, of landlord, farmer, and labourer. His produce, therefore, should pay him the rent of the first, the profit of the second, and the wages of the third.

A sensitive plant in a garden grew, And the young winds fed it with silver dew, And it opened its fan like leaves to the light, and closed them beneath the kisses of night.

And Spring arose on the garden fair, Like the Spirit of Love felt everywhere; And each flower and herb on Earth’s dark breast rose from the dreams of its wintry rest.

Theosophy has no code of morals, being itself the embodiment of the highest morality; it presents to its students the highest moral teachings of all religions, gathering the most fragrant blossoms from the gardens of the world-faiths.

I like fireworks too, but I set them off in gardens or kebab stands. I never set fire to my own house.

Thy Return is as another Sun to Heaven; a new Rose blooming in the Garden of the Soul.