“I’ll be happy if I can just stay out of Nebraska.”

You can, after all, reduce the reasons for watching TV to but two: to be lulled, and to be stimulated. Some people do one sometimes, the other sometimes. Some people do all of one or all of the other.

I have never been converted to or even had much interest in spiritualism, occultism, Swedenborgianism or any particular religion. And I never, except occasionally for a laugh, visit the quacks who call themselves psychics.

Every student of comedy should see Dame Edna at least twice.

I haven’t ever found any great writing on that wonderful and often unappreciated art form, the insult.

Music bypasses the brain and goes straight to the heart. I wish my life had more of it.

I am always shocked that there are still a handful of defenders of the dubious practice of abstinence, surely the worst idea since chocolate-covered ants.

Sloppy language leads to sloppy thought, and sloppy thought to sloppy legislation.

The authority of depression is horrifying. I felt like my brain was busted and that I could never feel good again. I really thought that I was never gonna heal.

Therapists need to give a depressed patient support and direction.

Commercials are not the only exposure that obesity gets on TV. It is by no means a rarity on the wonderful Judge Judy’s show when both plaintiff and accused all but literally fill the screen.

I don’t see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty – and evaporating quickly.

I don’t feel old. I feel like a young man that has something wrong with him.

A biggest mistake I made when I started doing a talk show was I thought you had to read the books.

Electronic devices dislike me. There is never a day when something isn’t ailing.

The sudden death at 51 of James Gandolfini is intolerable.

The mob became unruly and the police were forced to resort to sex.

If you were a bird, and lived on high, You’d lean on the wind when the wind came by, You’d say to the wind when it took you away: ‘That’s where I wanted to go today!

The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.

Never do anything by halves if you want to get away with it. Be outrageous. Go the whole hog. Make sure everything you do is so completely crazy it’s unbelievable.

When you let people upset you, you’re giving away your power.

Let us not close our hearts, let us not look away.

Your real security is yourself. You know you can do it, and they can’t ever take that away from you.

In order to understand the world, one has to turn away from it on occasion.

When it seems impossible like nothing is going to work, you are usually just a few millimeters away from making it happen.