“The trick to writing for people is, you have to be able to turn them on in your head. And know how they’d word something or how they’d inflect it.”

I have never been converted to or even had much interest in spiritualism, occultism, Swedenborgianism or any particular religion. And I never, except occasionally for a laugh, visit the quacks who call themselves psychics.

Every student of comedy should see Dame Edna at least twice.

I haven’t ever found any great writing on that wonderful and often unappreciated art form, the insult.

Music bypasses the brain and goes straight to the heart. I wish my life had more of it.

I am always shocked that there are still a handful of defenders of the dubious practice of abstinence, surely the worst idea since chocolate-covered ants.

Sloppy language leads to sloppy thought, and sloppy thought to sloppy legislation.

The authority of depression is horrifying. I felt like my brain was busted and that I could never feel good again. I really thought that I was never gonna heal.

Therapists need to give a depressed patient support and direction.

Commercials are not the only exposure that obesity gets on TV. It is by no means a rarity on the wonderful Judge Judy’s show when both plaintiff and accused all but literally fill the screen.

I don’t see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty – and evaporating quickly.

I don’t feel old. I feel like a young man that has something wrong with him.

A biggest mistake I made when I started doing a talk show was I thought you had to read the books.

Electronic devices dislike me. There is never a day when something isn’t ailing.

The sudden death at 51 of James Gandolfini is intolerable.

The mob became unruly and the police were forced to resort to sex.

Once I left out what I then considered my best line because there was a suspected column rat in the house.

People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.

For the best return on your money, pour your purse into your head.

When you realize how perfect everything is you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky.

Ten soldiers wisely led will beat a hundred with out a head.

The dank night is sweeping down from the sky and the setting stars incline our heads to sleep.

He liked the mere act of reading, the magic of turning scratches on a page into words inside his head.

He liked the mere act of reading, the magic of turning scratches on a page into words inside his head.

If it is true that there are as many minds as there are heads, then there are as many kinds of love as there are hearts.