“We Jews have a secret weapon in our struggle with the Arabs; we have no place to go.”

If only political leaders would allow themselves to feel, as well as to think, the world might be a happier place.

It’s no accident many accuse me of conducting public affairs with my heart instead of my head. Well, what if I do?.. Those who don’t know how to weep with their whole heart don’t know how to laugh either.

The only alternative to war is peace and the only road to peace is negotiations.

Whether women are better than men I cannot say – but I can say they are certainly no worse.

There is only one thing I hope to see before I die, and that is that my people should not need expressions of sympathy anymore.

It isn’t enough to believe in something; you have to have the stamina to meet obstacles and overcome them, to struggle.

It is not a sin to be seventy but it is also no joke.

Not being beautiful was the true blessing. Not being beautiful forced me to develop my inner resources. The pretty girl has a handicap to overcome.

Fashion is an imposition, a reign on freedom.

It is true we have won all our wars, but we have paid for them. We don’t want victories anymore.

Zionism and pessimism are not compatible.

Can we today measure devotion to husband and children by our indifference to everything else?

We only want that which is given naturally to all peoples of the world, to be masters of our own fate, not of others, and in cooperation and friendship with others.

Every civilization finds it necessary to negotiate compromises with its own values.

There was no such thing as Palestinians, they never existed.

Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life.

There is no greater compliment to the Jews than the fact that the degree of their unpopularity is always the scientific measure of the cruelty and silliness of the regime under which they live.

Here’s what I love: when a great writer turns me into a Jew from Chicago, a lesbian out of South Carolina, or a black woman moving into a subway entrance in Harlem. Turn me into something else, writers of the world. Make me Muslim, heretic, hermaphrodite.

When you come to Germany as a Jew you have an uneasy feeling, but I’ve always felt okay in Berlin.

Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.

I don’t ask employers, for example, to like blacks or Jews or native people.

If Jews want to get it on, tell them to pin their yarmulkes back and come over to my house.

A lot of that we see today, where the Muslims are against the Christians and the Christians are against Jews and the Jews are against Arabs – I mean, it just it goes on and on and on.

The only reason that Jews are in pornography is that we think that Christ sucks. Catholicism sucks.