“It’s a scientific fact that if you stay in California you lose one point of your IQ every year.”

To me, the greatest pleasure of writing is not what it’s about, but the inner music that words make.

How do I look so young? Quite simple: a complete vegetable diet, 12 hours sleep a night, and lots and lots of make-up.

Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.

The enemy was anyone who was someone he wanted to be or who had anything he wanted to have.

Good luck and believe me, dearest Doc – it’s better to look at the sky than live there. Such an empty place; so vague. Just a country where the thunder goes and things disappear.

The brain may take advice, but not the heart, and love, having no geography, knows no boundaries: weight and sink it deep, no matter, it will rise and find the surface.

I thought of the future, and spoke of the past.

We all, sometimes, leave each other there under the skies, and we never understand why.

Finishing a book is just like you took a child out in the back yard and shot it.

The most dangerous thing in the world is to make a friend of an Englishman, because he’ll come sleep in your closet rather than spend 10 shillings on a hotel.

A man who doesn’t dream is like a man who doesn’t sweat. He stores up a lot of poison.

I don’t care what anybody says about me as long as it isn’t true.

If there is no mystery, for the artist, to solve inside of his art, then there’s no point in it….for me, every act of the art of solving a mystery.

There is only one unpardonable sin–deliberate cruelty. All else can be forgiven.

Writing has laws of perspective, of light and shade just as painting does, or music. If you are born knowing them, fine. If not, learn them. Then rearrange the rules to suit yourself.

A conversation is a dialogue, not a monologue. That’s why there are so few good conversations: due to scarcity, two intelligent talkers seldom meet.

There’s only two people in your life you should lie to… the police and your girlfriend.

That’s my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.

If this be treason, make the most of it!

It’s funny: I don’t listen to too much rap. I don’t listen to too much older hip-hop. If I do, it’s Ja Rule.

It was funny if you looked at it right quick, but it got pitiful if you thought about it awhile.

I find very often that very ugly women have really handsome men and vice versa because they don’t have any competition. Sometimes handsome men have avoided me.

It’s funny. All you have to do is say something nobody understands and they’ll do practically anything you want them to.

There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.