“We are not hungry. Why foist this food upon us? We don’t want to be choked. We have enough.”

People are free to campaign and they will be free to vote.

I would spend my time telling stories or writing them.

We will defend our victory through armed struggle. We will have to do that.

Cricket civilizes people and creates good gentlemen. I want everyone to play cricket in Zimbabwe; I want ours to be a nation of gentlemen.

I am an educationist. I’m an economist. I am a politician. I am also now a good storyteller, you know?

It’s not possible that women can be at par with men.

Only God who appointed me will remove me.

Don’t drink at all, don’t smoke, you must exercise and eat vegetables and fruit.

Dont fight even over girlfriends. The country is full of beautiful women. If you cant get one, come to Mugabe for assistance.

Sometimes you look back at girls you spent money on rather than send it to your mum and you realise witchcraft is real.

Zimbabwe is for Zimbabweans; so are its resources.

It may be necessary to use methods other than constitutional ones.

There are things one must do for oneself.

Zimbabwe will never be a colony again.

Stay with us, please remain in this country and constitute a nation based on national unity.

Some people are contriving ways and means of making us collapse.

When I was young I used to eat ketchup sandwiches – just bread and ketchup.

Last time I was down South I walked into this restaurant, and this white waitress came up to me and said: ‘We don’t serve colored people here.’ I said: ‘that’s all right, I don’t eat colored people. Bring me a whole fried chicken.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.

I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.

I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.

I like children. If they’re properly cooked.