“Don’t gobblefunk around with words.”

The walls were wet and sticky, and peach juice was dripping from the ceiling. James opened his mouth and caught some of it on his tongue. It tasted delicious.

A life is made up of a great number of small incidents, and a small number of great ones.

Obscurity is never a virtue.

I think probably kindness is my number one attribute in a human being. I’ll put it before any of the things like courage or bravery or generosity or anything else.

The writer has to force himself to work. He has to make his own hours and if he doesn’t go to his desk at all there is nobody to scold him.

Careful those who fight with monsters, that they might become monsters themeselves.

f I were a headmaster I would get rid of the history teacher and get a chocolate teacher instead.

I have a passion for teaching kids to become readers, to become comfortable with a book, not daunted. Books shouldn’t be daunting, they should be funny, exciting and wonderful; and learning to be a reader gives a terrific advantage.

When writing about oneself, one must strive to be truthful. Truth is more important than modesty.

I cannot for the life of me understand why small children take so long to grow up. I think they do it deliberately, just to annoy me.

It is preferable to incur a mild punishment than to perform an onerous task.

Watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you.

A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.

I do have a blurred memory of sitting on the stairs and trying over and over again to tie one of my shoelaces, but that is all that comes back to me of school itself.

Human ‘beans’ is the only animals that is killing their own kind.

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly.

I never said all actors are cattle; what I said was all actors should be treated like cattle.

Television has done much for psychiatry by spreading information about it, as well as contributing to the need for it.

If you can’t sleep, count sheep. Don’t count endangered animals. You will run out.

I like cottage cheese. That’s why I want to try other dwelling cheeses, too. How about studio apartment cheese? Tent cheese? Mobile home cheese? Do not eat mobile home cheese in a tornado.

Why are there no “during” pictures?

I was walking down the street with my friend and he said ‘I hear music,’ as though there’s any other way to take it in. ‘You’re not special. That’s how I receive it too, I tried to taste it, but it did not work’.

Television has brought back murder into the home – where it belongs.

The ideal husband understands every word his wife doesn’t say.