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The spirit I had caught gave me insight into the suffering of others, made me gravitate toward those whose feelings were like my own, made me sit for hours while others told me of their lives, made me strangely tender and cruel, violent and peaceful.

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We had our own literature, our own systems of law, religion, medicine, science, and education.
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The holy and the evil, the high and the low, the white and the black; our America is frightened of fact, of history, of processes, of necessity.
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I could think of nothing. And, slowly, it was upon exactly that nothingness that my mind began to dwell, that constant sense of wanting without having, of being hated without reason.
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No matter how much he would long for them to forget him, they would not be able to. His family was a part of him, not only in blood, but in spirit.
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Somewhere in the dead of the southern night my life had switched onto the wrong track and without my knowing it.
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He had lived and acted on the assumption that he was alone, and now he saw that he had not been. What he had done made others suffer.
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Kill them, turn back time to the moment before I had talked so that I could have another chance to save myself.
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Whenever my environment had failed to support or nourish me, I had clutched at books.
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In me was shaping a yearning for a kind of consciousness.
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Is not life exactly what it ought to be, in a certain sense? Isn’t it only the naive who find all of this baffling?
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I was leaving the South to fling myself into the unknown . . .
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It made me love talk that sought answers to questions that could help nobody, that could only keep alive in me that enthralling sense of wonder and awe in the face of the drama of human feeling which is hidden by the external drama of life.
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The locomotive of my heart was rushing down a dangerously steep slope, heading for a collision, heedless of the warning red lights that blinked all about me, the sirens and the ells and the screams that filled the air.
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Anything seemed possible, likely, feasible, because I wanted everything to be possible… Because I had no power to make things happen outside of me in the objective world.
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