The happiest moments in any affair take place after the loved one has learned to accommodate the lover and before the maddening personality of either party has emerged like a jagged rock from the receding tides of lust and curiosity.
QUENTIN CRISPIs not the whole world a vast house of assignation of which the filing system has been lost?
More Quentin Crisp Quotes
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While I have very little to say in favor of sex (it’s vastly overrated, it’s frequently unnecessary, and it’s messy), it is greatly to be preferred to the interminable torments of romantic agony through which two people tear one another limb from limb while professing altruistic devotion.
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I never understood music. It seemed to me to be the maximum amount of noise conveying the minimum amount of information.
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Manners are love in a cool climate.
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What my parents thought of this, I don’t know. But they bore it. And the real problem was not my sin, but my unemployability.
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Never sweep. After four years the dirt gets no worse.
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It’s no good running a pig farm badly for 30 years while saying, ‘Really, I was meant to be a ballet dancer.’ By then, pigs will be your style.
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If you truly love me, kill the bartender.
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You can’t be a person and a lady. If you’re a person, you can open the damned door yourself.
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Nothing in our culture, not even home computers, is more overrated than the epidermal felicity of two featherless bipeds in desperate congress.
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No effort is required to define or even attain happiness, but enormous concentration is needed to abandon everything else.
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Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.
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In England, the system is benign and the people are hostile. In America, the people are friendlyand the system is brutal!
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I never say ‘No’ to anything.
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I simply haven’t the nerve to imagine a being, a force, a cause which keeps the planets revolving in their orbits and then suddenly stops in order to give me a bicycle with three speeds.
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An autobiography is an obituary in serial form with the last installment missing.
QUENTIN CRISP






