There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn’t get any worse.
QUENTIN CRISPWomen have decided to be people, which is a great mistake. Women were nicer than people.
More Quentin Crisp Quotes
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Health consists of having the same diseases as one’s neighbors.
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Sex is the last refuge of the miserable.
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The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple: you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
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Happiness is the only thing I understand.
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Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.
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As we all know from witnessing the consuming jealousy of husbands who are never faithful, people do not confine themselves to the emotions to which they are entitled.
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The measure of woman’s distaste for any part of her life lies not in the loudness of her lamentations (these are only an attempt to buy a martyr’s crown at a reduced price) but in her persistent pursuit of that occupation of which she never ceases to complain.
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I was amazed to receive later a substantial sum for sitting in my room and talking about myself. If only I could get some of the back pay!
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Vice is its own reward.
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You must stop this interview now as I have come to end of my personality.
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If Mr. Vincent Price were to be co-starred with Miss Bette Davis in a story by Mr. Edgar Allan Poe directed by Mr. Roger Corman, it could not fully express the pent-up violence and depravity of a single day in the life of the average family.
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Believe in fate, but lean forward where fate can see you.
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I don’t think you can really be proud of being gay because it isn’t something you’ve done. You can only be proud of not being ashamed.
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If love means anything at all it means extending your hand to the unlovable.
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The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we hold of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us.
QUENTIN CRISP






