Everybody is xenophobic to an extent.
P. J. O'ROURKEThe Afghans themselves say that if you put two Afghans in a room, you get three factions.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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A humorist doesn’t really do that much note-taking.
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Russians not only vehemently despise blacks, they believe Africa begins at the Ukraine border.
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Like most sensible people, you probably lost interest in modern art about the time that Julian Schnabel was painting broken pieces of the crockery that his wife had thrown at him for painting broken pieces of crockery instead of painting the bathroom and hall.
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Just because a subject is serious doesn’t mean it doesn’t have plenty of absurdities.
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Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren’t present.
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The most brilliant satire of all time was ‘A Modest Proposal’ by Jonathan Swift. You’ll notice how everything got straightened out in Ireland within days of that coming out.
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America has to act. But, when America acts, other nations accuse us of being ‘hegemonistic’, of engaging in ‘unilateralism’, of behaving as if we’re the only nation on earth that counts. We are.
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If you spend 72 hours in a place you’ve never been, talking to people whose language you don’t speak about social, political, and economic complexities you don’t understand, and you come back as the world’s biggest know-it-all, you’re a reporter. Either that or you’re President Obama.
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The body is forever teaching us lessons. There are all sorts of things that we can’t do, shouldn’t do, had better not do very often or do for too long as we get older. The body makes its presence known.
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The importance of local governance may not be obvious to an America accustomed to treating city and state downfalls with doses of federal comeuppance. Sometimes there’s a reason for that – the Civil War. More often, all reasoning seems absent – No Child Left Behind.
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The people who despise America are the editors of the ‘New Statesman.’ Their green-card applications must have been turned down.
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Term limits aren’t enough. We need jail.
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The young are adept at learning, but even more adept at avoiding it.
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Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
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I look around my house, and everything except the kids and dogs was made in China. And I’m not sure about the kids. They have brown eyes and small noses.
P. J. O'ROURKE