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I like making things. I have a wood shop at home. I am a terrible carpenter but I love doing it.

P. J. O'Rourke

The weirder you’re going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Behave Four Go Look Normal Reverse Ring Three Weider
I don’t even know which end of a computer one is supposed to gaze into. I’ve never used a computer.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Computer Gaze Know One Suppose Use
You’re stupid,’ is not something even his most severe critics usually say to President Barack Obama.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Critics Most President Serve Something Stupid Usually
I look around my house, and everything except the kids and dogs was made in China. And I’m not sure about the kids. They have brown eyes and small noses.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Around Brown Country Dog Everything Except House Kid Look
New Hampshire polling data are unreliable because, when you call the Granite State’s registered Republicans and independents in the middle of dinner and ask them who they’re going to vote for, they have a mouth full of mashed potatoes and you can’t understand what they say.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Independent New Poll Registered Republican Unreliable
I believe in God. God created the world.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Believe Create God World
You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Ask Came Children Form Go Grow Know Tell
By the end of the 1950s, American cars were so reliable that their reliability went without saying even in car ads. Thousands of them bear testimony to this today, still running on the roads of Cuba though fueled with nationalized Venezuelan gasoline and maintained with spit and haywire.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Car Country End Ernt Reliable Say Thousand
Some people have facts; these can be proven. Some people have theories; these can be disproven. But people with opinions are mindless and have their minds made up about it.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Dosproven Fact Mindless Opinion People Some
There is no virtue in compulsory government charity, and there is no virtue in advocating it. A politician who portrays himself as ‘caring’ and ‘sensitive’ because he wants to expand the government’s charitable programs is merely saying that he’s willing to try to do good with other people’s money.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Advocate Charity Compulsory Government Merely Politician Virtue
Don’t send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Birthday Card Christmas Funeral Funny Greeting Need Save Send
If you think health care is expensive now, just wait ’til it’s free.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Care Expensive Free Health Now Think Wait
I’ve got a 1990 Porsche 911. It’s just a Carrera, a very simple, straightforward little thing that goes like stink. I love it.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Got Little Love Simple Straightforward Thing
A U.S. dollar is an IOU from the Federal Reserve Bank. It’s a promissory note that doesn’t actually promise anything. It’s not backed by gold or silver.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Actually Dollar Federal Promise Research Silver
The people who despise America are the editors of the ‘New Statesman.’ Their green-card applications must have been turned down.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Association Card Country Desire Down Editor Green People Turn
Little islands of human happiness, peace, and prosperity are so exceptional at this point in history that I’m not even sure we can draw lessons from them.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Draw Exceptional Happiness History Human Island Litle Peace Point Prosperity Sure

I like making things. I have a wood shop at home. I am a terrible carpenter but I love doing it.

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I like making things. I have a wood shop at home. I am a terrible carpenter but I love doing it.

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